Archive for May, 2008

Jenna Jameson – Not Your Father’s Porn Star

jenna.jpgHighly intelligent with a flare for business, devilishly sexy though surprisingly down-to-earth, Jenna Jamison has become arguably the most powerful figure in the traditionally male-dominated adult movie industry. Writer Allison Krugel sat down with Jamison recently and dished sex, men, entertainment, politics, and motherhood in an exclusive and eye-opening interview

Jenna Jameson isn't simply smart for a porn star. She is one of the most intelligent women with whom I have had the pleasure of conversing. That being said, it's no wonder that she has not only become the biggest star in the history of the adult industry, she has practically taken it over. As if to say, "Ok guys, I'll take it from here," Jameson boldly started her own mega production company, Club Jenna, Inc. which rivals Vivid Video and Wicked Pictures for the biggest player in adult film industry.

Jenna Jameson speaks with purpose and precision, as if she has made self analysis into a full time job. She has probably dissected her own behavior and unconventional life more acutely than any psychologist ever could. She also sees herself as a true feminist and an activist for women's liberation and sexual freedom. In this interview, I bypassed the kid stuff (her impending divorce and petite frame), and went for the real deal: her life! Jenna Jameson is a full, three dimensional human being, and a fascinating one at that…

Allison Kugel: What's going on with your company, Club Jenna?

Jenna Jameson: My company is on a consistent growing spree. Since we sold to Playboy last year, we've grown so much. We went from one release every couple of months to six releases a month, which is a huge amount of work. It's just really exciting because it feels like we're on top of our game now. We're, like, the number one company in the adult industry.

Allison Kugel: Are you now bigger than Vivid Video and Wicked Pictures?

Jenna Jameson: We're right on par. For me, I grew up in the adult industry, so I looked at people like Steve Hirsh, who runs Vivid and owns Vivid, as a role model when it comes to running a business. I just applied all of his business model and it really seems to have worked. Now we're in contention for the number one spot.

Allison Kugel: Are you his competition now?

Jenna Jameson: (Laughs) Of course! I think everybody feels competition with my company, because we turn out the very best movies. Every year we're up for best film, best video. We (last year) released Janine Loves Jenna, which is pretty much the biggest movie ever shot in the adult industry.

Allison Kugel: How much did that cost you to make?

Jenna Jameson: Oh, it's a huge amount of money! I can't talk specific numbers, but it's been a year and a half in the making.

Allison Kugel: I'll tell you something, you're interesting to watch on film. It makes me wonder… when you were younger, did you ever think about just going for a mainstream career, before you decided to go into adult movies?

Jenna Jameson: No, not really. Acting was never something that I felt was on my horizon. I wanted to be a model. I wanted to be a Playboy centerfold. That was the ultimate to me. I used to steal my father's Playboy magazines and practice the poses. My father was horrified! He caught me stealing his Playboys! I was just so infatuated with the women in these magazines. I always felt so incredibly comfortable with being nude and my sexuality. That's what I aspired to be, was a model. It's been really easy for me to transition into the mainstream, and I don't really know how. It ended up just kind of falling in my lap. I aspired to be the number one porn star. I never aspired to be a mainstream star, and it just kind of happened. I'm scheduled for two mainstream movies this year and I'm just kind of like, "Holy Shit!"

Allison Kugel: To what do you attribute the astounding crossover success that you've had? You've basically made the impossible, possible.

Jenna Jameson: I attribute it to the fact that I am incredibly acceptable to not only men, but to women. I think that women feel akin to me in a way because I'm so incredibly honest about who I am as a person. I'm not this girl, [just] wearing a lot of makeup with big boobs, that nobody can access. I’m kind of like the girl next door with a dark side (laughs). I think all women in the world have that. Most women are pretty normal, but they are sexual beings. I always felt so incredibly comfortable with my sexuality. I'm normal. I'm kind of like the girl next door with a dark side (laughs). I think all women in the world have that. Most women are pretty normal, but they are sexual beings. I think that women have been incredibly oppressed, and I just kind of accept who I am, and I put it out there. With my E! True Hollywood Story and all those different things, I was able to tell my story, and women relate to me.

Allison Kugel: Did you find that your female fan base grew a lot after your E! True Hollywood Story aired?

Jenna Jameson: I think the turning point with my female demographic, was my book (Jenna's New York Times Bestselling Autobiography, 'How to Make Love like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale'). My book really changed peoples' perspective. Before that, people kind of looked at me as a sex star, a porn star. Once they read the book, they realized that there are so many different layers, and that I went through things in my life that a lot of women have, and that I have the same insecurities and the same troubles and the same worries that most women have. I think that it kind of changed things for my career, once I was finally able to get honest and just be truthful with everyone with who I am as a person.

Allison Kugel: I read your book. What I found interesting was that a lot of the journal entries that you put in there, from when you were a little girl and a pre-teen… things you wrote about, like the kind of music you listened to, and saying that you wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid, or liking a boy… and I'm like, "Oh my God, this is me! This could be me!"

Jenna Jameson: I was a normal girl, yeah. I went through all those same exact things that most young women go through. Worrying about whether or not I was going to get boobs, or I had all those weird insecurities that every girl of twelve or thirteen years old goes through. It was really, really hard for me to be honest, but I knew in writing this book that I had to be 100% brutally honest, because if you're going to tell your story, you can't leave things out. Whether or not it hurts you or hurts people around you, you have to be honest. For me, that book was therapy. It was the best thing I ever did, career-wise and just mentally and emotionally.

Allison Kugel: There were things in that book, where I'm sure when people read it, they really felt for you. There was not just one, but a few incidents of rape, including how you lost your virginity. Do you feel that some of that contributed to the career choice that you made?

Jenna Jameson: That's certainly something that I've waffled back and forth with. I question myself a lot about that. It's hard to say one way or another, because the strong feminist in me wants to say, "Absolutely not!" One way or another I would have been a porn star or a nude model or whatever, because I feel empowered. But there are certain times where I look back and I'm like, "Well obviously I was injured emotionally, and it's been things that I've totally stuffed down over years and years of enabling this abuse." I think that with writing the book, it made it ok, one way or another. It made me feel better about my decisions and made me sleep better at night. I was able to come to terms with the abuse that I did endure, and be a better person, because I was able to forgive and forget.

Allison Kugel: You talk about female empowerment a lot and that you feel like you're a role model for women. I don't know how that sits with the generation above us, but I completely understand it…

Jenna Jameson: Right, so you know…

Allison Kugel: Yeah, although my fifty-six year old mother knew who you were…

Jenna Jameson: I love it! That is so awesome! That's the kind of thing that I strive for. It's not really about how much money I have in the bank. It's about whether or not I've left my mark. And I feel like I have.

Allison Kugel: (Laughs) My mother asked, "So who's the next person you're interviewing?" I said "Jenna Jameson," and I was about to explain who you were and she said, "Oh yeah, yeah. I know who she is." (laughs) It's crazy! You might as well be working for Disney.

Jenna Jameson: I love it so much!

Allison Kugel: If you could sit down with Gloria Steinem for a debate on pornography, and how it represents and affects women, what would you say to her?

Jenna Jameson: Obviously everybody is entitled to their own opinion and I totally respect her position. I love women that are able to really put a period at the end of their sentence. She's fought for what she believes in, and I believe in a lot of things she says. The issue is that for centuries women have been put under the thumb of men in this society, and what she does is perpetuate that. Because a woman has a right to be the person that she wants to be. Relying on everybody else's judgment is what makes this society so sick. Having a woman going on TV and saying, "That woman's a whore and she's ruining society for women," … there's always two sides to the coin. I think that it's important to be well rounded and not to be so incredibly one-sided. It's just not healthy. There are very many parts of me that are very conservative, and I think that she needs to come to terms with herself, and start maybe having sex more. So I wouldn't end up debating with her. I would probably end up giving her sex advice.

Allison Kugel: (Laughs) What is the number one question about sex that other women ask you?

Jenna Jameson: Women always ask me about the best way to give a blowjob. That's a big thing for women. And the next one is masturbation.

Allison Kugel: They ask you how to do it?

Jenna Jameson: Yeah, what's the best way and how to get off, during sex or being alone. I think it's a major epidemic in women, faking orgasms. So many women in this world feel like they are put on this planet to please men, that they have to fake, and they never worry about their own pleasure. Sooner or later I am going to come out with a sex tips book, because I am a wealth of knowledge (laughs)!

Allison Kugel: You're talking about women feeling like they have to be objects to please men. A lot of people have accused the adult industry of turning out this product of factory made Barbie Dolls. It's usually all about men and men's fantasies. Will there be films made that are geared more towards women?

Jenna Jameson: Actually that's happening now. It's a big thing now in our industry, to shoot girls that are real. Like now, it's out of style in our industry to have a boob job.

Allison Kugel: Do you see motherhood in your near future?

Jenna Jameson: Absolutely! Finally at 32, I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I can put things aside and I'm ready to be a mom, mentally and physically.

Allison Kugel: Should you have a daughter someday, what would be your perspective, if she came to you and asked you about what you do or even expressed to you that she was interested in going into the adult industry?

Jenna Jameson: I think that honesty is incredibly important in being a parent. Once my child is old enough to understand the ins and outs of life and sex and all those kinds of things, when they get into their teens and start asking questions, then it's important for me to be honest and say, "Yes, I was young and this was my career choice and I felt comfortable with it, and sexuality is a natural thing. But it was my choice and it is not what mommy wants you to do (laughs)!" And not because I think that being a porn star is bad. I think that it's a really, really hard business to be happy in. I want pure unadulterated happiness for my child, and I feel like in my career, I had to fight and push and deal with incredible stereotypes and people trying to hold me down when it comes to being successful. I want my child to go to college and have all the different things that I didn't have as a kid. So I think that being a porn star would never even cross my child's mind, because I'm going to give it everything!

Allison Kugel: (Laughs)

Jenna Jameson: No doubt! She's gonna be so friggin spoiled, Oh my god! My poor pets, my dogs, can't even stand me anymore. They're like, "Mom, leave us alone!"

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Allison Dawn Kugel is the founder and president of AllisonDawnPR.com. To read her complete interview with Jenna Jamison, click here.

 

 

 

 

V Returns

Thank you for all the messages . . . and suggestions . . . about the return of V to London this past week.

There have been far too many emails to reply to each of you, and as more are still arriving, I thought I should just let you all know that, unfortunately, I have rather disappointing news.

V and his three colleagues arrived as scheduled and the meeting at our office progressed throughout the day as expected.

During lunch he repeated his numerous text-messaged invitations over the past month, that he would like to entertain me at his apartment again at some point during the next three nights. I replied that I was free the next evening. J and I had been having such wonderfully exciting times talking about, and re-living, my brief encounter with V previously that I’d worked myself up into quite an excited state in the days just prior to his return. I’d decided that if our “professional relationship was in danger of being comprised” then it already had been! And that I therefore had nothing to lose.

The more I had thought about him, and his position, and his charm, the more I’d decided that I really enjoyed the flattery, and excitement and “danger” of the situation. This time, I decided, if I was to allow myself to become involved, then it would be on my terms. I knew from all his texts and emails, that his interest in seeing me again was simply sexual and had nothing to do with business. I knew from his reputation, and from working with him for almost a week “before” our tête-à-tête, that he was too much of a perfectionist to let personality come before business.

He was delighted with my acceptance and said he’d book a table again at “our restaurant” beforehand.

After concluding our day, I declined the invitation to join the others for an after work drink as I had to attend a long-arranged a meeting at my son’s school.

I was almost home when V called on my mobile. I knew he’d been taking calls from his office all afternoon, but assumed that to be just normal procedure. But he explained that due to an emergency issue that only he could resolve, he was going to have to return to Paris immediately in the morning. He was desperate to see me and wanted me to visit him at his apartment that evening. I told him that it was just impossible as I just had to be at school within the hour and then would not be able to just leave my family and turn around and go back into town.

He sounded disappointed, but resigned to both our situations . . . we agreed to talk during the next few days (as we would be anyway) and to arrange another time.

So . . . as I explained to an equally disappointed J . . . we are lucky to be able to enjoy spur-of-the moment occasions when they happen, so we have to accept that sometimes things we desperately want to happen, just obviously weren’t meant to be.

“Slut” Is Not A Four Letter Word

4letter.jpgI have had a threesome fantasy or two in my day—the two-guys-and-me kind, not that way overplayed other kind. I have boys-and-boozed it up just for sport, and/or to lift spirits that self-help books would’ve told me just needed some yoga or a lavender bath or special “me” time. I enjoy a good vibrator and great oral sex and hot guys wearing boxer briefs. I don’t think any of this makes me very different from lots and lots of other women. But until recently, you wouldn’t have known many of us existed—at least not if pop culture was your barometer. Even the coolest chicks on TV have, if anything, been too busy being, you know, Strong Female Characters—chatty single moms, super-spies, angsty students, neurotic lawyers, mega-bitches—to get too down and dirty. In movies, women’s overt sexuality came with such lovely bonuses as gratuitous crotch shots and boiled bunnies. Music gave us our savior, Madonna—and then another 20 or so years of occasional tiny breakthroughs (Alanis Morrissette, I salute your idea of a good night at the theater; Kelis, sweetie, you can charge whatever you want; and Liz Phair, well, I’m speechless in awe), but no major movements.

Until now. Thanks to the Super Sexual Powers of a rag-tag team of surprising heroines—Meredith Grey, Christina Aguilera, Nelly Furtado, Fergie, and the Pussycat Dolls—our time has finally, ahem, come. And it is precisely because these women’s presences are so overwhelmingly popular, so mainstream—and so wonderfully slutty (that’s a term of endearment here)—that they’re so important.

Who knew the second coming of Madonna would appear in the form of a kinda wispy, kinda mousy, unfortunately whiny chick in scrubs? But love her or hate her, “Grey’s Anatomy”’s Meredith inspires more conversation than any one character in recent TV history. And thank God for that, really. Suddenly, all of America cares deeply about what happens to a woman who, the first second we saw her, had just slept with a guy whose name she never quite got the night before—and she barely cared, as it was her first day as a surgical intern. Of course we find out the guy is her boss, drama ensues, etc., but that’s not the point: We now have a blockbuster of a show whose central female character not only slept with a random—she did it on the night before a very important day in her career, she showed no regret, and then, by the way, she wasn’t even that interested at first when he tried to pursue a relationship with her. Oh, and later, once he succeeded and then broke her heart? She went right back to trolling bars for strangers, and when good old McDreamy called her on it, she called him on that right back with the greatest line ever uttered in a hospital stairwell: “You don’t get to call me a whore.” It’s no accident, incidentally, that this character was created by a female executive producer, Shonda Rimes.

That’s probably why we’ve gotten most of our recent spate of empowered feminine sexuality from the music world, where women are more likely to write their own material. Everyone tried to make Britney Spears the New Madonna a few years ago—but it was the other one in that famous girl-on-girl action with Madonna at the MTV Video Music Awards who really succeeded in succeeding the Big M. What Madonna did differently from most major sex symbols before and since—and Britney has never had the wherewithal to grasp—was to own her own desires, no matter how unladylike they were. She wasn’t getting off on her ability to excite men—she knew that was nothing particularly special.

And no where is her legacy better demonstrated than in Aguilera’s transition from raunchy X-tina to her current classic Marilyn Monroe styling. It’s not just a love of Norma Jean that these two share, either—they both demonstrate the toughest aspect of female sexuality for the culture at large to grasp, that you can be classy and horny at the same time. Every magazine article about Aguilera breathlessly describes her transformation and attributes it to the love of her new hubby—it’s a good, classic “Taming of the Shrew” story. She herself doesn’t dispute this—it plays right into her single, “Ain’t No Other Man”—and, to be honest, it comes off as at least part of the truth. But she also incorporates her naughty side on her current album, which feels all the more devious because it’s packaged as music heavily influenced by old-school jazz. “I’m gonna give you a little taste/ of the sugar below my waist,” she croons over a smooth Big Band track. And does it get any better than an Andrews Sisters-style song with a lyric like, “He’s a one-stop shop/ makes my cherry pop”?

Fergie also embraces the old virgin-whore dichotomy in her weirdly infectious rapping-singing hybrid thing, “London Bridge,” with a direct—if less artful—approach. “I’m such a lady but I’m dancing like a ho,” she chants before launching into the chorus: “How come every time you come around my London London Bridge wanna go down?” Complain if you must about this making no sense, question what body part and/or article of clothing “London Bridge” could possibly be a euphemism for … but admit it, you know what she means. In fact, you have a picture in your head right now of the man for whom your London Bridge does, in fact, want to go down every time he comes around.

And though I’ll take Justin Timberlake in shackles any day, he’s not bringing sexy back as single-handedly as he’d have you believe. In fact, he should know—he was, after all, in the video for Nelly Furtado’s early-summer hit “Promiscuous,” in which she imagines a presumably recent male acquaintance naked and laments, “You’re making me crazy the way you’re making me wait.” No girls, however, are more impatient than the Pussycat Dolls, an urgency I suppose they earned from all those hours entertaining men as burlesque dancers. They have some serious expectations, as they mention a couple dozen times in “Buttons”: “I’m tellin’ you to loosen up my buttons, baby/ But you keep frontin’/ Sayin’ what you’re gonna do to me/ But I ain’t seen nothin’.”

Look, I know these are no feminist icons—but that’s precisely the point. There’s a “Female Chauvinist Pigs” argument to be made that just because women are now willingly whoring themselves out doesn’t make it magically empowering. But I would not count, for example, Paris Hilton as part of our new Super Sexual Powers brigade. Yes, she has, in a bizarre way that none of us are likely to ever relate to, embraced her sexuality. But she’s been the object since day one. Someone made a sex tape of her and distributed it; I don’t judge her for capitalizing on that, but it’s hardly a manifestation of feminine agency. At the same time, I feel pangs of sympathy for the girl sometimes—it’s astounding the dirty-whore jokes that every single person on the planet feels free to make about her since she appeared in a sex tape that she presumably didn’t know would ever be released. (It’s as if her name is a license for Uncle Milt to work blue at the Thanksgiving table, as long as he chuckles and winks afterwards.) But Paris is more like the stripper who needs money for college or to raise her two kids than she is an icon of female sexuality. Jessica Simpson, on the other hand, thinks she’s doing the same thing as Aguilera when she struts around in short shorts, but here’s the thing: She’s simply acting out, in a very public manner, a very ho-hum 20-something rebellion/discovery of personal sexual power over men. Like Britney Spears before her, she’s not adding a damn thing to the discussion—nothing more than your average Girl Gone Wild.

But can a surgical intern with a healthy sex drive and some hot singers with a few naughty lyrics really add something to the discussion? Well, yes. Because they’re putting our private actions and our previously secret (or certainly kept-among-close-friends) thoughts out into the cultural ether. They’re doing it in a way that can’t be refuted as just one slutty chick’s aberrations. And they’re doing it in a way that they can’t be ignored … because everyone will be talking about it at the watercooler, or you’ll be humming it despite yourself.

Because of all that, I now get to say that despite all my admissions in that first paragraph—and a few more that I’m keeping to myself to protect the innocent and my brevity—you don’t get to call me a whore.

By Jennifer Armstrong - Editor of Sirens Magazine

Sexual Power For Women Chapter 6

sp5a.jpgIf a man doesn’t want to be your love slave, he can avoid it; and if he doesn’t want to be any woman’s love slave, he can avoid that too. In extreme cases, the costs of refusal may be prohibitive, but extreme cases are rare. I’ve sexually enslaved a fair number of men, and my friends, among them, have enslaved a large number. Almost every one of those men made a voluntary choice to remain in a relationship where he knew he would be controlled by his partner. They stayed because of what the relationships offered them.

The advantages men find in sexual slavery are diverse, and the important ones vary from one man to another. Let’s look at some of the most common.

Sexual excitement

The most obvious advantage of sexual slavery is that it’s tremendously exciting.

After a while, a man in an ordinary relationship becomes sexually bored with his partner and comes to regard lovemaking as more duty than pleasure. If he’s not committed to the relationship, he seeks a new and therefore more exciting partner, then repeats the pattern until he makes a commitment before getting bored. When he gets bored with a partner to whom he’s committed, he stops making love. If his libido was weak to begin with, he becomes impotent. More commonly, he delivers brief, mechanical sexual performances devoid of emotion.

Many women blame themselves when this happens. Some blame their partners. In actuality, blame is inappropriate. Men are wired to lose interest in a partner who’s always available. They can’t help it. Fortunately they’re also wired to turn on to the techniques of female domination; they can’t help that either. And the power of these techniques to excite is far greater than the tendency of monogamy to bore. If your man can’t have you whenever he wants, if he gets to experience that yummy little thrill only on your terms, boredom never sets in. He remains always a bit insecure, always eager to please you, always horny for you.

A love slave spends much of his time in a state of sexual arousal. He may find this frustrating at times, but always exciting and never boring. I’ve heard of two love slaves in their seventies who were vigorously potent, and one of them had given up on sex in a conventional relationship fifteen years earlier, believing he was too old.

A particularly introspective man might appreciate this, as might a man who has been rescued from sexual boredom without a change of partner, but a man of ordinary self-awareness who is sexually enslaved early in a relationship will likely attribute his state of continuous arousal to his lover’s attractiveness alone. And so much the better for her!

Love

Like sexual excitement, being in love is a delicious feeling. Men, control freaks that the are, rarely seek it; they seek sexual flings instead. Nevertheless men do fall in love early in their relationships and feel a loss when they assert dominion over their partners and the feeling goes away. Eventually a man reaches a point in his life where he becomes aware that he’s no longer in love with the woman he married and, unless he ends or at least risks his marriage, he’s doomed to live out his days without ever experiencing that feeling again. Grim.

Female domination saves a man from that. A love slave is, first and foremost, in love with his partner, and the feeling doesn’t go away. Many factors contribute to this, among them the same insecurity that keeps him sexually excited, her sharing of his vulnerability with respect to the Loop, and his eidetic recollections of her teasing.

As with sexual excitement, only an uncommonly experienced and introspective man will understand that his enslavement is what makes him love his partner with such enduring intensity. The average man will be aware only of being in love. Both will be emotionally committed.

Intimacy

Men crave intimacy but fear it. Generally fear wins. A woman who sexually enslaves her lover can tip the balance so he can enjoy being known by her.

Early in a relationship, when a man is in love, he wants to share all his thoughts, feelings, fantasies, beliefs, hopes, dreams and fears. He rehearses what he’d like to say, but typically can bring himself to voice only a small fraction of what’s inside. He’s learned to keep it all to himself, and the learning is of a sort that’s difficult to overcome.

As the relationship matures, he feels obliged to control it. The necessity of confronting his partner as an adversary when they have differences (for that’s how he sees it!) now makes self-disclosure impossible. The enemy might learn something she could use against him. This is war, and he has to win—has to expand and consolidate his control.

From her point of view, the most appealing aspects of his personality have disappeared behind an impenetrable wall. From his point of view, he’s involved in a relationship recognized as the ultimate in intimacy by his friends, colleagues, church and state, and he’s emotionally isolated.

Sexual slavery makes it easier for a man to talk openly with his partner about matters of emotional significance. It does this in several ways.

If she uses her sexual power to take control of all aspects of the relationship, making whatever decisions there are to be made, he doesn’t have to be ready for battle. There isn’t going to be a battle, so there’s no tactical disadvantage in having a history of intimacy.

If she considers his needs in making her decisions—and she would be foolish not to—he’ll learn that it’s in his best interest to let her know what those needs are. He’ll learn to prioritize them honestly as well. Some things matter to him a great deal, others only a little. There are preferences he might insist upon in an ordinary relationship that aren’t his at all, but represent instead what he thinks he owes his family or what he hopes will impress his buddies. If she considers his stated needs in good faith, her decisions will suit him best if he’s been honest with her. Intimate self-disclosure thus becomes a way of getting what he needs and wants.

The Loop, by being a significant vulnerability he can’t help but share, gets him accustomed to being intimately known. Other secrets no longer seem so dark as to be worth hiding. In time, he learns his partner isn’t dangerous and he gets comfortable enough to talk openly about anything. Eventually he realizes she knows him quite well and loves him for who he is, rather than for the image he was trying to project when they met or for some utilitarian advantage. That’s a truly exhilarating high—one that the conventionally dominant man will never reach.

Because he’s in love, he wants to share his thoughts, feelings, fantasies, beliefs, hopes, dreams and fears, just as at the beginning of a conventional relationship. And the love inspired by sexual slavery lasts, so he actually has a chance of communicating it all, then going on to share the changes that come with maturity and age. Happily ever after.

Escape from responsibility

Responsibility is strenuous. Some men, particularly those in high-pressure jobs that require them to make decisions that have profound effects on the lives of others, carry far more than is good for them. Such a man often feels relieved if his woman takes control of their relationship and assumes all responsibility for the part of his life that she shares.

Permission to reject overwork

Some men, once married, spend too much of their lives working and too little at home. They do it partly because it’s a socially acceptable way to avoid the terrors of intimacy, partly because they believe their wives value the financial rewards of their industry above their companionship. A few, sadly, are right. Most are wrong but refuse to change their ways no matter how their wives beg. A woman who sexually enslaves her husband is in a position to require that he spend a reasonable amount of time at home. If she states a willingness to accept the resultant decrease in his income, he has no choice but to believe her. He’s almost always happy with the results.

Motivation

By way of contrast, there are men who can’t motivate themselves as they would like; they find it useful to have their partners oversee their endeavors, spurring them on with sexual rewards and punishments. I’ve known women who used the power of their femininity to push their men through a program of weight loss, a course of study leading to a master’s degree, training for a marathon, and the completion of a book of photographic essays. The men themselves chose their respective goals and were happy for the motivational assistance their partners gave them, though they grumbled a bit along the way.

This sort of arrangement has an extreme form, considerably darker. I’ve known two women whose husbands developed gambling addictions so severe and damaging, it seemed suicide was the only way out. When each of these men hit bottom, his wife scraped him up, sexually enslaved him, and used the leverage that that gave her to pull him back to a semblance of sanity. The men seemed as happy as those who chose their own goals, if only because they weren’t abandoned to financial ruin and social disgrace when they knew they deserved it. Indeed they grumbled less about their treatment, even though it was considerably harsher and they had no real choice but to accept it. Now back among the living, they could free themselves if they wanted to, but neither has tried.

Knowing what’s expected

A man in a conventional relationship is often troubled by the feeling that his partner is unjustifiably annoyed with him—that she blames him for neglecting something important to her, for somehow failing to meet her needs. But she hasn’t actually said that, and she certainly hasn’t given him a list of things he’s neglecting. Her rule seems to be, It’s no good if I have to tell you, and he suspects that she changes the secret desideratum whenever he comes close to identifying it. He finds this frustrating.

The relationship between a dominatrix and her love slave doesn’t work that way. She tells him clearly and truthfully what she needs, wants, and expects of him. He delivers it because he loves her. She thanks him. Simple and fair. Instead of feeling frustrated he feels appreciated.

Avoidance of performance anxiety

A man in a conventional relationship often falls into the worry that his partner will be horny when he’s not, and that she’ll react unpleasantly if he’s unable to fuck her on demand. This worry kills what little desire he might have had, setting up a loop that can lead to chronic impotence.

A love slave doesn’t have that problem—not unless his partner is foolish enough to demand sexual arousal from him. Instead he has the opposite problem—that he’ll be embarrassed by his inability to keep his arousal under control—and that mind-set precludes performance anxiety.

If she finds herself in desperate need of sexual satisfaction when he’s absolutely incapable of arousal, she can always have him eat her or finger her, warning him beforehand what he’s in for if he lets his cock get hard. Afterward she can congratulate him on his rare self control. I don’t recommend this because it gets him used to the possibility of sexual contact without arousal, but it does get her needs met without inducing performance anxiety.

Altered consciousness

Since time immemorial, we humans have tried to gain a perspective on our own nature and our role in the larger scheme of things. In pursuit of this goal, we’ve sought ways to escape ordinary reality, retaining just a vantage point from which to observe what happens to us—who we become—when the world goes weird. The aids most commonly employed to achieve such alteration of consciousness are botanicals such as marijuana and hashish, iboga and ayahuasca, peyote and magic mushrooms. Some people get comparable results from yoga or fasting; others from such pursuits as skiing, hang gliding, rock climbing or sailing.

Sexual slavery can do it too. It splits the personality the same way, into the objective observer and the kid taking the trip on the ragged edge of the impossible. The kid on the trip is out of control, can’t say no to his partner, can’t help turning on, can’t help loving her. The observer looks on in wonder. Wow! Is this really me? I never would have imagined it possible!

Dave was a man with whom I went climbing in Yosemite a few times one summer. He liked to lead, while I preferred the relative safety of seconding, and we were comfortable with climbs of the same length and difficulty, so we made a well-matched team. He said that what he liked about climbing was that the alien environment, the exertion and the risk brought back the person he used to be before he grew up—the boy exploring the world for the first time, the simple human being who had been born and who would some day die. We developed a strong mutual affection and a sexual relationship that expressed that affection.

Since we always had ropes and webbing at hand, our lovemaking was kinky from the start, and I quickly discovered that once Dave had been drained of cum, his cock would go into that wonderful state of sensitivity I’m so fond of. Just as quickly, Dave discovered how much I enjoy playing with that sensitivity, and what a tease I am. One evening, a couple of weeks after we had first made love, I tied him down in my usual fashion and wondered aloud whether, if I kept playing with him long enough, he’d get past the sensitivity and cum a second time. He told me he wouldn’t, that it would just hurt, and I told him I intended to find out. He pleaded with me not to, so I said that if it was going to be so terrible for him, he should just not let himself cum the first time and I’d quit trying after about twenty minutes; but if he came once—and I told him I knew he would—I was going to try for twice. Actually I didn’t expect to be able to make him cum twice; I wasn’t even going to make a genuine attempt. I just wanted to show him he couldn’t resist me and then make him squirm long enough so he’d make a serious effort to resist again next time.

I used both hands on his cock and occasionally bent down to suck his nipple. Soon he was at the edge of orgasm, looking into my eyes with an expression that begged me to stop.

“Georgeann, you’re really doing it to me!”

I felt his cock stiffen. I was about to say something, but—

“Georgeann, noooooooo!”

His hips lifted into the air and the first spurt went flying before he had quite finished his protest. He was still looking into my eyes. I couldn’t look away even to watch my toy.

“Georgeann, that’s me you’re seeing! O, my! That’s all me! You know me!”

It was all happening at once. He said it as he came, and he started to cry as he said it.

I started to cry too.

“It’s okay,” I said.

I continued stroking his cock for as long as I knew he really wanted it.

I let go.

“It’s okay,” I repeated.

Still crying, both of us.

“Beautiful man!”

I untied him as quickly as I could and we lay together and talked. He told me what I already knew: I had revealed, to Dave and to myself together, the same person he sought to know through his climbing—the real Dave, who had been born, who would die, who held on to life in the form of a little nubbin of rock when holding on was impossible but there was no alternative. By motivating him to resist his sexual responses, I drove a wedge between those aspects of his adult personality that thought they were capable of such resistance, and the real Dave, who wasn’t.

When he came, everything in him that had been trying to resist was swept away. All that was left was the male human being who couldn’t help but want to come all the way, couldn’t help but want to be completely known by the female human being who was making him happen. What made him cry wasn’t fear, wasn’t even embarrassment; it was just the beauty of the trip we were sharing, and the intensity of the sharing itself.

by Georgeann Cross

A Nice Evening with S

S had been trying to arrange an evening with me for over a month. We’d both either been busy with family or work events or the “timing” just hadn’t been right for me . . . But we eventually managed to get together on Tuesday evening.

We met in Hampstead at the same restaurant we’d eaten at earlier in the year. S knows I love jewellery and he’d bought me some earrings as a birthday present and we enjoyed a nice meal and just talked about family and school and work for ages. S had booked the same, new, hotel as last time, just a short drive from the restaurant but it was already quite late by the time we arrived there after our meal. He was embracing me and undressing me the minute we entered the room, but I insisted that I had to shower first (you know when you just “have to” shower!).

I showered first and normally would have waited in the bathroom whilst he showered, but I wanted to put on my new earrings for him, so I tidied-up my hair and face at the mirror in the main room and then lay back on the bed, wrapped in a towel, waiting for him. “They are really lovely thank you”, I told him, turning my head from side to side and displaying his new gift as he came into the room. He climbed onto the bed and immediately unwrapped my towel though, and we were soon kissing and stroking each other. I was feeling really relaxed and very aroused as he slid down my tummy and began licking and playing with me. He just plays so slowly and tenderly all over my pussy and I was soon getting completely worked up and gasping as his fingers stroked and probed. I was lifting myself up and down on his hands and feeling his tongue swirling round and round on me.

He wanted me to lift up further and turn over onto my knees but I was so aroused I was telling him not to stop and holding his head onto me and pushing my hips up into his face and tongue. It was so, so nice and I could hear myself come with loud groans and then push him away as I rolled over onto my side, before curling my knees up and asking him to “cuddle up behind”. We lay for quite some time, not saying anything at first, but then as he kept talking to me and stroking my arm and shoulders I eventually turned over to face him. We talked for another 15 minutes or so before he had to get up to turn-off my phone alarm which had gone off in my bag on the table. It was already midnight!!!

“I’m sorry the time has gone by so quickly” I was apologising as I’d felt it was my fault we’d been talking so long in the restaurant. I could feel him hard against my leg and I knew I just couldn’t get up and ask him to take me home now. I reached down and started stroking him . . . he felt really nice and smooth . . . and then I pushed him over onto his back and slid down to suck him into my mouth. He was protesting saying he wanted to play some more, but I told him I didn’t want that tonight . . . “I just want to taste you like this” I told him. He struggled and twisted a few more times, but as I continued with the rhythm of my lips sucking up and down on him I could feel him relaxing and beginning to enjoy it. I slid one hand around him as I lifted my mouth up to the head and cupped my other hand around his balls and just cupped them and squeezed them gently. He doesn’t enjoy me being too aggressive with him like this (J actually likes me nibbling and biting on him!), so I just continued sucking up and down increasing the pace and pressure a little as I felt him pushing himself up to meet my mouth sliding down on him. I can tell when he’s about to come and I just lifted away and pushed my boobs over him as he exploded with little spurts against me.

I like making him come like this against me. It makes me feel good that he’s enjoyed it so much and I love the feeling of my rubbing himself back over his cock and balls and tummy. It’s only when it suddenly feels cold and draughty against my skin that I want to wipe the rest of it up . . . at least on this occasion the towel I’d had wrapped around me was still close at hand. I lay down beside him again once I’d finished mopping the both of us up, and we just lay together side by side recovering.

Conversation began again after a few minutes and we agreed it was time to get dressed and make the journey home. “At least it’s only a short drive now.” And it was, we were home in 20 minutes . . . But it was still after 1 a.m.

J was waiting for me on the sofa, naked and expectant. I undressed for him and then sat down on his lap facing him and answering his questions on how my evening had gone. He was disappointed that we’d only “played” but as I told him that I’d had a really nice time and a really big come he began to concentrate more on me lifting myself up and down on him. He was quickly hard and we didn’t have to re-adjust ourselves at all for him to be inside me and guiding me by my hips as he lifted me up and down on his cock. I was telling him how I’d made S come and wiggling my breasts into his face asking “can you taste his come on my tits?” He came as he sucked and we just fell back onto the sofa together, snuggling up until he’d recovered enough to go upstairs. He collapsed into bed while I put away my earrings and sorted out my clothes and by the time I’d returned from cleaning myself up in the bathroom, he was fast asleep . . .