Harness Your Man’s Biological Drive For Dominance

One Saturday night last month Zack strolled into a bar and spied his wife Marissa shooting pool with several other guys. He watched as she seductively ran her hand up and down the length of a pool stick as she chatted with them. When one of the men nuzzled his crotch into her from behind as he showed her the proper way to make a bank shot, Zack felt a twinge in the pit of his stomach that quicky spread throught his body. Watching his wife turn to the man and almost kiss him before she moved to the other side of the pool table almost sent Zack over the edge. With fists clinched and breathing heavily, he decided to deal with her when she came home.

Almost an hour later Zack and Marissa are clawing at each others clothes in their living room. Stripping each other naked, he shoves her onto their couch and violently enters her. Her nails dig into his back.

"Did you miss me?" she panted.
"Where've you been?" he demanded.
"With him, Zack, and he fucked me hard... just like this!" she answered, as he plows into her harder.

As quick as it started, they orgasm together and then lay entwined in each other's arms, discussing the night's events. Like many times before, they'd planned the entire scenario. She went to the bar that evening dressed very slutty, immediately attracting the attention of a handful of men. She flirted with them heavily, knowing her husband had arrived several minutes after she did and was was watching her every move. The lust and jealousy these scenes inspire have led the couple to the best sex of their lives.

"She doesn't really have sex with the men." Zack says during an interview with the couple. Marissa smiles and winks before mouthing the words, "yes I do." Zack tenses up.

"Do you really?" I ask.

She smiles. "Maybe I do... and maybe I don't."

I ask them how they started this game of theirs. Zack volunteers an answer I've heard from men all over the country who engage in similar activities with their wives and girlfriends. "The though of her being sexual with another guy is a big turn-on. I don't know how I'd feel if she actually did it.. it might really piss me off... but the thought of it is.. well, unbelievably hot."

"It lets me be someone I'm not or maybe it's someone I never had the guts to be," Marissa answers. "Confident, free spirited..."

"Slutty." Zack interrupts with a devilish smile.

"Well, yeah..." Marissa responds, lighting a cigarette, almost getting into character.

"The two of you know what cuckolding is, right?" I ask them. Zack looks down then over at Marissa.

"We've discussed it but haven't gone there... yet." She answers.

Marissa and Zack have tapped into a bit of evolutionary wiring and psychology that scientists have known for decades: Most men get excited at the idea of their wives or girlfriends being with other men. They may or may not actually like it. But many a man finds himself aroused upon seeing his lady flirt with a stranger, or perhaps a friend. He may be jealous, even very angry. Still, he can’t help but want to make love to her as soon as they get home, his erection stronger than usual, and his ejaculation more powerful, as if he is pumped up to win some sort of sexual competition with the other male for the prize of this valuable female, his wife.

A more adventurous man might even encourage his woman to have sex with the other man, or dress in "slutty" clothing when they go out in the presence of other men, or at least talk about the fantasy of being with another man.

What’s going on here? There are many explanations, but one of the more compelling reasons for this type of male arousal lies in human evolutionary biology.

Until recently, biologists thought that there was only one kind of sperm in semen with a single goal: to swim to the egg and inseminate it. It was assumed the ejaculatory release of sperm was like the proverbial gunshot before the big race that has all the little tadpoles swimming directly to the egg. Recently, evolutionary biologists Robin Baker and Mark Bellis found that these “egg-inseminators” make up only about one per cent of a man’s sperm count. So what about the rest of the tadpoles? It seems that most sperm behave less like a bunch of individual marathon racers than a football team, with some players playing offense and others on defense. They discovered that many sperm don’t swim to the egg at all, but clearly hunt and kill sperm from another man that might also be in the vagina into which they and their brothers have spurted. These killer sperm actually contain *weaponry* that destroy the *enemy* in a Sperm War. Or, using football terms, they are the offense, tackles and fullbacks in the Super Bowl of Sex going on inside the woman. Other sperm on a man’s *team* play defense, blocking and protecting their inseminator-quarterback brothers from other men’s warrior sperm.

Why Sperm Wars? How did this genetic football game come about? Scientists speculate that, like our cousins, the bonobos and common chimps, our human ancestors were not monogamous, and often several males would mate with one fertile female within a few days of one another. These different men’s sperm would then intermingle within the one woman, duking it out for the evolutionary reward of fertilizing her egg.

Sperm Warfare explains men’s passion for football and other war games, as well as male excitement over female nonmonogamy

Whenever a man gets ready to have sex with a woman, he unconsciously considers the odds of her being with another man. If he feels she is totally faithful to him, he might be happy about that, but his erection won’t be at its strongest, nor will his sperm count be at its highest. Unconsciously, his testicles *know* they don’t have to fight an adversary, so they need not generate the full army (or football team) of several hundred million sperm. Therefore, he *conserves* semen. After all, he only needs to send in a few sperm to reach an egg where he has no rivals.

But if he feels he could be a cuckold, that she is or could be having sex with other men - whether he likes the idea or not - his testicles spring into action and produce as many hundred million warrior sperm, blockers and inseminators as they can. The result is that the man has a much stronger erection, more copious ejaculate and a more intensely pleasurable orgasm than he routinely does.

Apparently, the human male is wired to be aroused by sexual competition. This is one reason why so many men are drawn to so-called "slutty" women, despite how society attempts to denigrate sluts.

This also explains why so many men love porn. When a man watches porn, he tends to watch a woman he desires having sex with someone else, usually another man, or maybe even with several men, as in the popular gangbang genre of porn. Some male porn lovers enjoy watching women masturbating or lesbian porn, but the vast majority of men choose to watch heterosexual porn, meaning they are watch another man with a slutty woman, triggering a stiff Sperms Wars-powered erection.

The Sperm Wars theory also explains why so many men, even if they adore their wives, get sexually bored with them. If a man feels there is no possibility that he could be "cuckolded," and that his wife could be with another man, his sperm count will stay *comfortably* low.

This is not to say that couples can't stay monogamous and enjoy hot sex for many decades. But a marriage that never even entertains the possibility of cuckoldry, ie., another man having sex with the wife, is doomed to low sperm counts and comfortable boredom in the bedroom.

A hint of rivalry excites the male, makes him feel that his woman is worth fighting for. Of course, the danger is that jealousy, even "retroactive jealousy" over past lovers or "fantasy jealousy" over future lovers, might overwhelm a man to the point that the Sperm Wars going on within his balls only adds fuel to his rage and paranoia. Thus, a woman must respect her man’s boundaries; with some men, playing the Sperm Wars game is playing with fire.

But remember: the woman doesn’t actually have to have sex with the other man to create the scintillating Sperm Wars effect. Consider the example of Marissa and Zack. It is only necessary that her primemate think she might, even if he just imagines it, and even if everyone knows it's *just* a fantasy. Indeed, for most couples, the power of Sperm Wars and the experience of being "cuckolded" are best and most safely explored in the realm of the imagination.

Now, if only we could keep the wars to the sperm, and stop the wars between people…

By Dr. Susan M Block, Ph.D. of the Dr. Susan Block Institute

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