Ramblings…
Well, consider yourself warned, this post isn't gonna be very structured :) I've got a few things on my mind and have to get them out.
The other night, I was online and Salsa boy starts talking with me... I had been telling him that I had things on my mind (regarding S... I'll talk about that later) and that I had no interest of seeing him for now. Which was true, but as you might have noticed, I'm weeding out a lot, so I didn't want to lead him on as I know I wouldn't see him, ever. But being the nice girl that I am, I keep talking and being polite. He sends me a cam request. I tell him that I'm doing my taxes. He says it won't be long, he has something to show me. So I oblige. Why is it never a puppy or something ? He's sitting there naked. Stroking his cock, telling me I make him hard. Grrrrrrrr ! I had no interest in seeing *that*. Don't get me wrong, I love looking at a nice cock (licking and touching too) but not *any* one. I shut his cam off, told him I had a Msn problem and left. I don't know how to tell him so he'll understand.
S now... Well, we've had issues and fights from time to time. I wanted to end things and wasn't able to actually do it. I kept telling him that he cannot just talk to me when he wants to fuck. He was making efforts. I told him that if he was making 'efforts' he didn't really feel like it. He had troubles accepting that I didn't want to see him anymore. He told me he was in love with me, that he had me under his skin, that he couldn't stop thinking about me. I told him it was too late. He said I couldn't do that to him, and we had to see each other one last time. So I caved in. He came over. We talked. I cried (I hate hurting people). But it didn't make me change my mind. We talked a few days after that. He thought he 'had' me back since I was crying. I told him nothing is changing, that I need a lover, not a fuck-friend. He called me names, insulted me, my husband, my other lover (which he's sure I have since I don't want him anymore). He told me I don't know what he's capable of when he doesn't have something he wants. Menaced to hurt himself, menaced to hurt me. He's not really constant, so he doesn't really scare me. He says stuff to get reaction and it doesn't work. He said that he'll delete me and forget me and that I'll never hear from him again. So far, I haven't. Somehow, I have a doubt. I was feeling so so so bad when it was going on, I hope he came to peace with it and that his life will go on.
By the way... Mr. Singer's song is playing on the radio right now... I'm fucking him hehe :p
I spoke with F this weekend. He's not online very much. Said he missed me and can't wait to see me, so that was sweet.
Yesterday I was chatting with The One that Can't Be Named (well... I talk with him all weekdays long still). He said he was back, I told him I missed him, he said that's good, I told him how come ?, he said cause it shows you care about me. I found it sweet. I can't wait to see him again. I don't know when that will be. All I know is that everytime I see him, I can't get enough. And I sense it's the same for him. His lips are on mine as soon as we get together. Maybe because we don't get together very much... but I do crave him a lot :p
And there's that kinky, intriguing, interesting side of Me that still needs exploring... hopefully soon :p
A 30-something woman, who, even though she tries, can't help herself from swimming in the infidelity waters.
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