Tag: "B&D"

Sexual Power For Women – Chapter 8

The main reason for tying a man up before subjecting him to sexual stimulation is to keep him from physically resisting you. This presupposes that if you make physical resistance impossible, everything will go as you like. That’s not always the case. Circumstances can inhibit a man’s sexual responses, and sometimes (three hours after his last orgasm, for example) psychological resistance is easy. If everything is conspiring against you, bondage is futile. Postpone your plans until a day when physical resistance is your only potential problem.

Before you set about restraining your lover, be sure he’s horny—very horny. He should be comfortable too, not ill nor in pain, and not troubled by allergies that will keep him sneezing or itching. His bladder and rectum should be empty and you should have a reasonable expectation that neither will fill soon.

The place where he’s to be tied should be warm, perhaps even too warm. Physiologically, a cold environment inhibits sexual response, especially when the stimulation offered isn’t the cuddly sort. Psychologically, bondage can be frightening, and a person placed in a situation that’s both sexually stimulating and frightening has a choice, usually made preconsciously, between turning on and getting scared. The close link between cold and fear is part of your own experience: it’s easier to get scared when you’re cold, and fright gives you chills. To keep your man from being distracted by either of these creepy twins, be sure he’s warm.

Food can be a problem. A man won’t be nearly so responsive with a big meal in his stomach as without it.

Alcohol, barbiturates and narcotics are disasters. I advise against restraining a man for sexual purposes if he’s had so much as a single drink. He’ll find you too easy to resist. His attention is impaired, so he may tune you out. At the same time, the nerves that carry sensation from his penis to his brain are at least somewhat anesthetized. If he succeeds in resisting you, it may damage both your confidence and your credibility, so it’s better not to take the chance. Even if he can’t resist you, he may later refuse to take your interaction seriously, dismissing it as the result of his chemical state. And of course, there’s the obvious objection to engaging in any form of lovemaking with a man who’d under the influence of any depressant drug: He isn’t capable of fully appreciating you and he isn’t fully present for you to appreciate in return.

Some drugs, on the other hand, enhance a man’s responsiveness and make you harder to resist. Three that deserve consideration are coffee, chocolate and cannabis. Coffee contains caffeine, which is a powerful nervous stimulant. It enhances both sexual sensation and the psychological processes of sexual response. Unfortunately it’s also a strong diuretic, while the substances that give coffee its flavor are powerful bladder irritants. To top it off, coffee is almost entirely water. The result is that a man dosed with coffee will soon experience a strong need to urinate, which will cause considerable bother if he’s tied in place and distract him from sex whether he’s tied or not. The effect will be somewhat mitigated if he was dehydrated to begin with, especially if he’s young and healthy with a large, resilient bladder.

Chocolate is much better. Its active agent is theobromine, another powerful stimulant, but not so strong a diuretic as caffeine. Chocolate doesn’t irritate the bladder and is easily consumed without water.

Only the strongest chocolate contains enough theobromine to be useful as an aphrodisiac. Milk chocolate won’t do, and most men won’t eat baking chocolate because it’s too bitter. That leaves semisweet, also known as bittersweet or dark. Even most of this is inadequate; you have to know which formulations really work. The bittersweet chocolates imported from Switzerland and Holland are excellent but expensive. Most American chocolate can’t compare, but a few brands can, and at a reasonable price. See what’s available in your area and try it on yourself to make a selection on which you can come to rely.

Besides being an aphrodisiac, chocolate is food and chocolate is fuel. If a man is hungry, but a meal will inhibit his responses, a dose of chocolate will relieve his hunger enough so he isn’t distracted, but it won’t fill him up. It will also warm him as it’s metabolized, decreasing the likelihood that he’ll be turned off by cold or fear.

An ounce of dark chocolate will make a significant difference in the sexual responsiveness of a man of average size. Two ounces will make a big difference. It’s hard to get someone to eat more than that unless he’s very hungry.

Cannabis, whether in the form of marijuana, hashish, hash oil, space cakes or whatever, has one major drawback: it’s illegal in the United States, though less so in some states than others. Despite its illegality, it’s so readily available that its usefulness as an aphrodisiac is worth examining.

Cannabis enhances sensory appreciation. If you subject your man to sexual stimulation, his attention is more strongly drawn to that stimulation and he feels it with greater intensity than without cannabis. Cannabis also encourages the belief—usually delusional—that one’s thoughts and feelings are obvious, and at the same time it discourages reality testing. This combination makes the Loop inescapable. Once you start teasing him about his inability to resist you, a man under the influence of cannabis knows you can read his thoughts and feelings, and he won’t test that knowledge for fear that whatever he says will only move the conversation in a direction that will embarrass him all the more.

Consider, though, the cliché of the double-edged sword. The use of cannabis is traditionally a social ritual; you don’t administer it but share it. You get stoned too, and that can make it difficult to maintain a confident demeanor in the face of adversity. If you pull a shocker like trying to get your man to agree to be your love slave, or telling him for the first time that some terrible consequence will befall him if he allows himself to ejaculate, he may not take it well. Though he’s less likely while stoned to make a conscious effort to bluff you off course, he may truly be outraged or turned off, and not know that if you were to begin stimulating him, confidently and teasingly, his orientation would quickly and dramatically change. If he tells you you’re a bad person or makes threats against the future of your relationship, you’re likely to find it exceedingly difficult to remember that he can’t see how worried you are, and even more difficult to test the reality of the situation by going ahead with whatever it takes to turn him on.

For this reason, I advise against using cannabis when your agenda includes anything new and surprising that your man may take badly. If that means you can’t give it to him either, so be it. There are exceptions of course. Some people are so used to cannabis that they can handle anything; if you’re such a person, you already know that my cautionary advice isn’t for you. Going one step further, you and your partner may be sharing a continuously stoned existence. In that case, avoiding cannabis before a particular lovemaking session would be so unusual that it would become an issue in itself, creating more of a problem than anything else that may have developed. But again, if you’re living stoned, you already knew that.

The only other problem with cannabis is that it drops the blood sugar way down, causing phenomenal hunger and increasing the likelihood that your man will get cold or scared rather than turned on. It may also make your hands cold enough to shock his skin. All you can do is make sure you’re in a very warm place and have some good dark chocolate on hand to satisfy the munchies. The chocolate will raise your blood sugar, keeping your hands pleasantly warm; it will raise your partner’s blood sugar, keeping him from the shivers and the terrors; and it will act as an aphrodisiac in itself. The combination of cannabis and chocolate, incidentally, is great for sex even if you have no interest in female domination.

Positions, materials, knots, toys and safety

The position in which I most often tie a man is on his back with his arms extended to the sides. Almost always, he’s on a wide bed, and I tie his wrists to its legs—the pair near the head end. Occasionally, outdoors, I’ve tied a man in this position between two trees.

I don’t normally restrain a man’s legs. Unless he’s unusually large, strong or flexible, tying his arms is enough to keep him from going anywhere or doing anything. Tying his legs is even counterproductive. When he comes, I want it to be spectacular. I like to see him dig in his heels, lift his bottom, and thrust his hips. He can’t do that very well if his legs are tied. If I continue to stimulate him when he’s run dry and needs me to stop, I want him to be able to squirm and thrash about, trying to pull away. It affirms my power over him. Most important, I want his orgasm to overwhelm him, and if I choose to play with his sensitivity afterward, I want that to overwhelm him too. If his legs are tied, he can maintain some measure of composure by straining against the bonds and concentrating on the act of straining. If I leave them loose, he can’t do that; he gets completely caught up in whatever sensations I inflict on him.

Sometimes I put a man in that position and then decide I want to watch him masturbate while he’s tied. It wouldn’t do to simply release one wrist; that would be the same as untying him completely. Instead I tie his ankles to the nearest legs of the bed, not so tightly as to cause discomfort but tightly enough, then untie his more skilled hand. If I feel the need to discourage him from trying to free himself, I tie the hand to the same leg of the bed as his ankle, leaving enough slack so he can reach his cock but not his opposite wrist.

Sometimes I tie a man’s wrists together behind his back without tying him to anything.

Occasionally I tie a man’s wrists together in front of him, then tie them to something overhead so that he’s standing with his arms extended upward. Usually I use a hook that’s screwed into one of the studs that support my ceiling. When I’m not using the hook for bondage, it supports a potted plant in a hanging basket.

If you try such a thing there are a couple of things to beware of. First, use only an anchor that will bear a heavy load. A hook driven into wallboard alone won’t; an expansion bolt in plaster won’t; a shower head won’t. Second, the position can be so uncomfortable as to inhibit a man’s sexual responses; worse, it can dangerously interfere with the circulation in his hands after only a short time. Leave enough slack in the line between his wrists and the anchor so that his feet are under his shoulders, his elbows are somewhat bent, and the rest of his body is relaxed.

Any number of materials can be used for bondage: stockings, neckties, plastic wrap, rope and clothesline are some of the most common. Stockings and neckties usually have to be tied together and can’t be used for much else afterward. Plastic wrap should be food grade rather than industrial because the latter may contain poisons that can be absorbed through the skin; multiple layers are needed to ensure resistance to stretching and tearing, and it can’t be reused. Rope and clothesline are almost perfect, but can dig uncomfortably into a man’s wrists.

My favorite is tubular nylon webbing. I became acquainted with it when I took up rock climbing, and its suitability for bondage was immediately apparent. It’s like nylon rope, but flat. Then again, it’s different from flat webbing too. Flat webbing is truly flat and isn’t used much in climbing; it’s made into the belts and straps found on knapsacks and heavy-duty dollies. Tubular webbing is shaped like a drinking straw that’s been flattened. It’s softer and more flexible than flat webbing, and it’s readily available in stores that sell climbing gear, as well as by mail. It tends to be colorful and comes in a variety of widths; the most convenient for bondage is one inch. It’s easy to work with, and if tied correctly it’s quite comfortable and doesn’t cut into the skin at all.

I buy it in twelve-foot lengths. Twelve feet is long for most purposes, but just right for others, and if I have to cut someone out of it in an emergency, I still have a length I can use. When you buy it, it’s cut by being pulled across a red-hot wire. If you have to cut it yourself, it’s a good idea to use a hot knife so that the filaments melt together to prevent unraveling. Use a worthless knife that you’re never going to use for any other purpose, because heating will discolor it and you’ll never get it clean. Alternatively you can cut the webbing with a cold sharp knife or a pair of scissors and either let it unravel or try to seal the frayed end by holding it over a candle or stovetop burner. The end may or may not seal correctly, but it’s sure to release a cloud of noxious gas which will somehow aim itself directly at your nose. I think it’s still worth it; bondage is truly a labor of love.

If you want to use the sort of material that has to be tied but you don’t know much about knots, get a book on the subject, study it, and practice. Also study the descriptions I’m about to give of my own favorite knots and practice those. Use your own ankles to substitute for your man’s wrists.

You may be tempted to improvise knots rather than studying them. It won’t go well. For each purpose, you need a knot with certain characteristics. To bind a man’s wrist, for example, you’ll want a knot that will neither loosen nor tighten when pulled. You won’t be able to make it up as you go along; you have to know the knot. You also have to know your knots well enough to untie them. If you manage to invent a knot as you go, you won’t know what you did and you’ll have trouble getting it out. It may turn out to be so complex that it has to be cut. If you cut knots frequently, you’re likely to give up bondage because of the expense.

If I want to tie a man’s wrist, I take my twelve-foot length of webbing and circle the wrist three times, taking care that the webbing lies flat against his skin for all three go-rounds. The short end of the webbing is about a foot long; the long end, about nine feet. I hold the short end out straight and I tie a half hitch around it, very near the wrist, with the long end. This involves pulling nine feet of webbing through the loop that becomes the half hitch. I do the same thing a second time. The knot in the long end now has a definite shape and can slide freely along the short end. (If only the short end were held, the wrist would be in a noose; the knot would tighten when pulled. If the long end were pulled instead, the loops around the man’s wrist would loosen and the short end would eventually come through.) I slide the knot so that the wrist can’t come out of the webbing, but I don’t make the loops uncomfortably tight. Then I hold the long end of the webbing out straight and use the short end to tie a half hitch around it. That’s it. The knot will neither tighten nor loosen when pulled, and no part of it touches the man’s wrist—his skin touches only the soft loops of webbing.

When I’m ready to secure the wrist to the leg of the bed, the first thing I do is see to the man’s comfort by making sure that the knot lies in the natural path that the long end of the webbing will take from his wrist to the leg of the bed. His wrist shouldn’t be resting on the knot, nor should the knot be forced against his wrist; these conditions cause discomfort at first, then later correct themselves in such a way as to slacken the bonds.

When I’ve rotated the knot to the ideal position, I run the long end of the webbing just once around the leg of the bed and tie first one half hitch, then another. It’s not much of a knot, but it won’t come out unless untied on purpose. When I want to untie it, I can do it quickly. I take care to put the half hitches right up against the leg of the bed and not leave a big loop. Since two half hitches make a noose, a big loop will tighten to become a small loop when the man pulls, leaving him much more slack than I intended—perhaps even enough to get loose.

To tie a man down, it’s best to tie both wrists, then both legs of the bed. This lets him scratch itches for as long as possible. To untie him, it’s best to untie the legs of the bed first. The knots there come out more easily, and once you’ve undone one, he can help with the knots at his wrists.

If I have to tie a man to a bed that’s on a platform instead of legs (most motel beds are on platforms) I take a length of webbing and tie a bowline in each end. The bowline is a knot that includes a loop that will neither tighten nor loosen under tension. I run that length of webbing crosswise under the mattress about three quarters of the way toward the head of the bed, then use the protruding loops as if they were the legs of the bed.

The wooden frame of a futon can be fitted with eyebolts. If you sleep on a mattress on the floor, you can screw eyebolts or hooks into the wall at the level of the mattress. (Find the studs first!) If you own your own home and don’t value the floor, you can bolt cabinet handles to it. When you bring a new partner home for the first time, such fittings make for interesting conversation.

If I want to tie a man’s wrists together, I start by tying one of them as if I were going to tie it to the leg of a bed. I run the long end of the webbing back and forth between his wrists in a moderately tight figure eight, then wrap a few loops of webbing around the middle of the figure eight in the third dimension, and finally tie the loose end with a couple of half hitches.

There are alternatives to learning how to tie knots. One is plastic wrap, which sticks to itself so well that you don’t need good knots. Because multiple layers are needed, it’s best tied using techniques that rely on its tendency to cling, and such techniques are easy to improvise. (Quite the opposite of nylon webbing!) Since plastic wrap can’t be reused, you can cut it when you’re done and not feel wasteful; indeed you probably won’t be able to undo it any other way.

Another option is the purchase of ready-made restraints, either at your neighborhood adult boutique or by mail. I don’t use them. First, I don’t need to; I’m proficient with webbing. Second, webbing feels natural to me, probably because I handled so much of it during my rock climbing days, while ready-made restraints feel alien and would seem to be intruding into my lovemaking. Third, I don’t want to spook a new lover with hardware that’s likely to remind him of that mean dominatrix in the fetish magazines.

If you’re considering ready-made restraints because you find knots daunting, the first two of those reasons are irrelevant to you. The third will be irrelevant if you and your partner have been together a while; he’ll know that your interest in kink is new. It will also be irrelevant if kinky toys are consistent with the image you want.

I don’t recommend metal handcuffs. They can tighten painfully unless double locked and they’re uncomfortable to lie on. Neither do I recommend anything that the wearer can easily remove; many of the toys one finds in an adult boutique are just ornaments and suffer from this deficiency.

The one toy that’s most useful is an apparatus for tying your partner to a bed. Typically it consists of two wrist cuffs and a length of flat nylon webbing that can easily be anchored to the bed. The wrist cuffs are usually leather, often padded. They close with either a buckle or hook-and-loop tape. The closure is simple enough that the wearer could easily undo it if his hands weren’t separated. The cuffs attach to the band of webbing by means of a pair of quick-release fasteners. These fasteners take a variety of forms, but most commonly they resemble either the clip by which a leash is attached to a dog collar or the flexible plastic buckle on the waist strap of a knapsack. They’re secure only because they’re beyond the wearer’s reach when the apparatus is set up properly.

Another useful toy is a pair of soft handcuffs—again, usually leather and often padded. If soft handcuffs are to be secure, the closures and fasteners have to be much more tamper-proof than those on a tie-to-the-bed apparatus because anything on the wearer’s left wrist is within reach of his right hand. The really secure models rely on small padlocks.

I never put anything around a man’s neck while he’s bound, nor even allow anything with hazardous potential to remain there. (If he’s just seen a vampire movie, I hang his crucifix from my own neck.) I never leave him alone for more than a few seconds, nor do I allow a locked door to come between us.

I almost always have a pair of surgical scissors within reach—the kind with a blunt end. They’re sharp and they cut well, so if I have to release my partner quickly, as in case of fire, I can. The blunt end makes it possible to force the blade between his skin and whatever material he’s tied with, without cutting him. Such scissors are a necessity if you use plastic wrap; they’re superfluous if you use a ready-made apparatus with quick-release fasteners.

The most likely emergency is sudden illness. Digestive viruses strike with frightening speed. It’s unpleasant enough to have a bed messed up, but it would be devastating to have a man I care about choke to death on his vomit while I fumble with my knots. The police in my part of the world have encountered kink before and would accept my explanation, but I couldn’t. Safety first!

When I’ve settled into a stable relationship with a love slave, we agree on a word he can use to let me know he needs to be released immediately. Francesca gave Roy such a word after tying him down only half a dozen times; some couples who set out to experiment with bondage agree on a safeword before the first knot is tied. I wait longer because when I get involved in a new relationship, I like to keep my agenda hidden at first and reveal it one surprise at a time. Also, a man will normally use his safeword the first time a woman plays with the post-orgasmic sensitivity of his cock. By the third time, he’s learned he can take it—and even if he can’t, that’s not what the word is for. I wait until the man is emotionally committed to being my slave and knows that that’s what he wants more than anything else. That’s what I think is necessary to prevent him from using a safeword frivolously. But when we’ve got that far, I don’t wait longer; I make sure we have a word.

A safeword shouldn’t be one that might be uttered accidentally, such as mirror or birthday, nor, obviously, should it be something like no or stop; those would interfere with the natural flow of conversation. Madagascar or periwinkle would be good, but both require a degree of composure to pronounce. Rhubarb is just about perfect unless you or your partner eat it or grow it; likewise smallpox unless one of you is studying it.

Sexual Power For Women Chapter 6

If a man doesn’t want to be your love slave, he can avoid it; and if he doesn’t want to be any woman’s love slave, he can avoid that too. In extreme cases, the costs of refusal may be prohibitive, but extreme cases are rare. I’ve sexually enslaved a fair number of men, and my friends, among them, have enslaved a large number. Almost every one of those men made a voluntary choice to remain in a relationship where he knew he would be controlled by his partner. They stayed because of what the relationships offered them.

The advantages men find in sexual slavery are diverse, and the important ones vary from one man to another. Let’s look at some of the most common.

Sexual excitement

The most obvious advantage of sexual slavery is that it’s tremendously exciting.

After a while, a man in an ordinary relationship becomes sexually bored with his partner and comes to regard lovemaking as more duty than pleasure. If he’s not committed to the relationship, he seeks a new and therefore more exciting partner, then repeats the pattern until he makes a commitment before getting bored. When he gets bored with a partner to whom he’s committed, he stops making love. If his libido was weak to begin with, he becomes impotent. More commonly, he delivers brief, mechanical sexual performances devoid of emotion.

Many women blame themselves when this happens. Some blame their partners. In actuality, blame is inappropriate. Men are wired to lose interest in a partner who’s always available. They can’t help it. Fortunately they’re also wired to turn on to the techniques of female domination; they can’t help that either. And the power of these techniques to excite is far greater than the tendency of monogamy to bore. If your man can’t have you whenever he wants, if he gets to experience that yummy little thrill only on your terms, boredom never sets in. He remains always a bit insecure, always eager to please you, always horny for you.

A love slave spends much of his time in a state of sexual arousal. He may find this frustrating at times, but always exciting and never boring. I’ve heard of two love slaves in their seventies who were vigorously potent, and one of them had given up on sex in a conventional relationship fifteen years earlier, believing he was too old.

A particularly introspective man might appreciate this, as might a man who has been rescued from sexual boredom without a change of partner, but a man of ordinary self-awareness who is sexually enslaved early in a relationship will likely attribute his state of continuous arousal to his lover’s attractiveness alone. And so much the better for her!

Love

Like sexual excitement, being in love is a delicious feeling. Men, control freaks that the are, rarely seek it; they seek sexual flings instead. Nevertheless men do fall in love early in their relationships and feel a loss when they assert dominion over their partners and the feeling goes away. Eventually a man reaches a point in his life where he becomes aware that he’s no longer in love with the woman he married and, unless he ends or at least risks his marriage, he’s doomed to live out his days without ever experiencing that feeling again. Grim.

Female domination saves a man from that. A love slave is, first and foremost, in love with his partner, and the feeling doesn’t go away. Many factors contribute to this, among them the same insecurity that keeps him sexually excited, her sharing of his vulnerability with respect to the Loop, and his eidetic recollections of her teasing.

As with sexual excitement, only an uncommonly experienced and introspective man will understand that his enslavement is what makes him love his partner with such enduring intensity. The average man will be aware only of being in love. Both will be emotionally committed.

Intimacy

Men crave intimacy but fear it. Generally fear wins. A woman who sexually enslaves her lover can tip the balance so he can enjoy being known by her.

Early in a relationship, when a man is in love, he wants to share all his thoughts, feelings, fantasies, beliefs, hopes, dreams and fears. He rehearses what he’d like to say, but typically can bring himself to voice only a small fraction of what’s inside. He’s learned to keep it all to himself, and the learning is of a sort that’s difficult to overcome.

As the relationship matures, he feels obliged to control it. The necessity of confronting his partner as an adversary when they have differences (for that’s how he sees it!) now makes self-disclosure impossible. The enemy might learn something she could use against him. This is war, and he has to win—has to expand and consolidate his control.

From her point of view, the most appealing aspects of his personality have disappeared behind an impenetrable wall. From his point of view, he’s involved in a relationship recognized as the ultimate in intimacy by his friends, colleagues, church and state, and he’s emotionally isolated.

Sexual slavery makes it easier for a man to talk openly with his partner about matters of emotional significance. It does this in several ways.

If she uses her sexual power to take control of all aspects of the relationship, making whatever decisions there are to be made, he doesn’t have to be ready for battle. There isn’t going to be a battle, so there’s no tactical disadvantage in having a history of intimacy.

If she considers his needs in making her decisions—and she would be foolish not to—he’ll learn that it’s in his best interest to let her know what those needs are. He’ll learn to prioritize them honestly as well. Some things matter to him a great deal, others only a little. There are preferences he might insist upon in an ordinary relationship that aren’t his at all, but represent instead what he thinks he owes his family or what he hopes will impress his buddies. If she considers his stated needs in good faith, her decisions will suit him best if he’s been honest with her. Intimate self-disclosure thus becomes a way of getting what he needs and wants.

The Loop, by being a significant vulnerability he can’t help but share, gets him accustomed to being intimately known. Other secrets no longer seem so dark as to be worth hiding. In time, he learns his partner isn’t dangerous and he gets comfortable enough to talk openly about anything. Eventually he realizes she knows him quite well and loves him for who he is, rather than for the image he was trying to project when they met or for some utilitarian advantage. That’s a truly exhilarating high—one that the conventionally dominant man will never reach.

Because he’s in love, he wants to share his thoughts, feelings, fantasies, beliefs, hopes, dreams and fears, just as at the beginning of a conventional relationship. And the love inspired by sexual slavery lasts, so he actually has a chance of communicating it all, then going on to share the changes that come with maturity and age. Happily ever after.

Escape from responsibility

Responsibility is strenuous. Some men, particularly those in high-pressure jobs that require them to make decisions that have profound effects on the lives of others, carry far more than is good for them. Such a man often feels relieved if his woman takes control of their relationship and assumes all responsibility for the part of his life that she shares.

Permission to reject overwork

Some men, once married, spend too much of their lives working and too little at home. They do it partly because it’s a socially acceptable way to avoid the terrors of intimacy, partly because they believe their wives value the financial rewards of their industry above their companionship. A few, sadly, are right. Most are wrong but refuse to change their ways no matter how their wives beg. A woman who sexually enslaves her husband is in a position to require that he spend a reasonable amount of time at home. If she states a willingness to accept the resultant decrease in his income, he has no choice but to believe her. He’s almost always happy with the results.

Motivation

By way of contrast, there are men who can’t motivate themselves as they would like; they find it useful to have their partners oversee their endeavors, spurring them on with sexual rewards and punishments. I’ve known women who used the power of their femininity to push their men through a program of weight loss, a course of study leading to a master’s degree, training for a marathon, and the completion of a book of photographic essays. The men themselves chose their respective goals and were happy for the motivational assistance their partners gave them, though they grumbled a bit along the way.

This sort of arrangement has an extreme form, considerably darker. I’ve known two women whose husbands developed gambling addictions so severe and damaging, it seemed suicide was the only way out. When each of these men hit bottom, his wife scraped him up, sexually enslaved him, and used the leverage that that gave her to pull him back to a semblance of sanity. The men seemed as happy as those who chose their own goals, if only because they weren’t abandoned to financial ruin and social disgrace when they knew they deserved it. Indeed they grumbled less about their treatment, even though it was considerably harsher and they had no real choice but to accept it. Now back among the living, they could free themselves if they wanted to, but neither has tried.

Knowing what’s expected

A man in a conventional relationship is often troubled by the feeling that his partner is unjustifiably annoyed with him—that she blames him for neglecting something important to her, for somehow failing to meet her needs. But she hasn’t actually said that, and she certainly hasn’t given him a list of things he’s neglecting. Her rule seems to be, It’s no good if I have to tell you, and he suspects that she changes the secret desideratum whenever he comes close to identifying it. He finds this frustrating.

The relationship between a dominatrix and her love slave doesn’t work that way. She tells him clearly and truthfully what she needs, wants, and expects of him. He delivers it because he loves her. She thanks him. Simple and fair. Instead of feeling frustrated he feels appreciated.

Avoidance of performance anxiety

A man in a conventional relationship often falls into the worry that his partner will be horny when he’s not, and that she’ll react unpleasantly if he’s unable to fuck her on demand. This worry kills what little desire he might have had, setting up a loop that can lead to chronic impotence.

A love slave doesn’t have that problem—not unless his partner is foolish enough to demand sexual arousal from him. Instead he has the opposite problem—that he’ll be embarrassed by his inability to keep his arousal under control—and that mind-set precludes performance anxiety.

If she finds herself in desperate need of sexual satisfaction when he’s absolutely incapable of arousal, she can always have him eat her or finger her, warning him beforehand what he’s in for if he lets his cock get hard. Afterward she can congratulate him on his rare self control. I don’t recommend this because it gets him used to the possibility of sexual contact without arousal, but it does get her needs met without inducing performance anxiety.

Altered consciousness

Since time immemorial, we humans have tried to gain a perspective on our own nature and our role in the larger scheme of things. In pursuit of this goal, we’ve sought ways to escape ordinary reality, retaining just a vantage point from which to observe what happens to us—who we become—when the world goes weird. The aids most commonly employed to achieve such alteration of consciousness are botanicals such as marijuana and hashish, iboga and ayahuasca, peyote and magic mushrooms. Some people get comparable results from yoga or fasting; others from such pursuits as skiing, hang gliding, rock climbing or sailing.

Sexual slavery can do it too. It splits the personality the same way, into the objective observer and the kid taking the trip on the ragged edge of the impossible. The kid on the trip is out of control, can’t say no to his partner, can’t help turning on, can’t help loving her. The observer looks on in wonder. Wow! Is this really me? I never would have imagined it possible!

Dave was a man with whom I went climbing in Yosemite a few times one summer. He liked to lead, while I preferred the relative safety of seconding, and we were comfortable with climbs of the same length and difficulty, so we made a well-matched team. He said that what he liked about climbing was that the alien environment, the exertion and the risk brought back the person he used to be before he grew up—the boy exploring the world for the first time, the simple human being who had been born and who would some day die. We developed a strong mutual affection and a sexual relationship that expressed that affection.

Since we always had ropes and webbing at hand, our lovemaking was kinky from the start, and I quickly discovered that once Dave had been drained of cum, his cock would go into that wonderful state of sensitivity I’m so fond of. Just as quickly, Dave discovered how much I enjoy playing with that sensitivity, and what a tease I am. One evening, a couple of weeks after we had first made love, I tied him down in my usual fashion and wondered aloud whether, if I kept playing with him long enough, he’d get past the sensitivity and cum a second time. He told me he wouldn’t, that it would just hurt, and I told him I intended to find out. He pleaded with me not to, so I said that if it was going to be so terrible for him, he should just not let himself cum the first time and I’d quit trying after about twenty minutes; but if he came once—and I told him I knew he would—I was going to try for twice. Actually I didn’t expect to be able to make him cum twice; I wasn’t even going to make a genuine attempt. I just wanted to show him he couldn’t resist me and then make him squirm long enough so he’d make a serious effort to resist again next time.

I used both hands on his cock and occasionally bent down to suck his nipple. Soon he was at the edge of orgasm, looking into my eyes with an expression that begged me to stop.

“Georgeann, you’re really doing it to me!”

I felt his cock stiffen. I was about to say something, but—

“Georgeann, noooooooo!”

His hips lifted into the air and the first spurt went flying before he had quite finished his protest. He was still looking into my eyes. I couldn’t look away even to watch my toy.

“Georgeann, that’s me you’re seeing! O, my! That’s all me! You know me!”

It was all happening at once. He said it as he came, and he started to cry as he said it.

I started to cry too.

“It’s okay,” I said.

I continued stroking his cock for as long as I knew he really wanted it.

I let go.

“It’s okay,” I repeated.

Still crying, both of us.

“Beautiful man!”

I untied him as quickly as I could and we lay together and talked. He told me what I already knew: I had revealed, to Dave and to myself together, the same person he sought to know through his climbing—the real Dave, who had been born, who would die, who held on to life in the form of a little nubbin of rock when holding on was impossible but there was no alternative. By motivating him to resist his sexual responses, I drove a wedge between those aspects of his adult personality that thought they were capable of such resistance, and the real Dave, who wasn’t.

When he came, everything in him that had been trying to resist was swept away. All that was left was the male human being who couldn’t help but want to come all the way, couldn’t help but want to be completely known by the female human being who was making him happen. What made him cry wasn’t fear, wasn’t even embarrassment; it was just the beauty of the trip we were sharing, and the intensity of the sharing itself.

by Georgeann Cross

Sexual Power For Women Chapter 4

In which we examine the anatomy, the physiology, and some of the psychology of male sexual response, from a practical point of view

If you want to sexually enslave a man, it helps to start with a good understanding of the workings of male sexuality. In all likelihood you already have most of the knowledge you need: you’ve read other books, gathered a good deal of practical experience, and refined your skills as a lover. Still, there are a few things I feel I ought to mention—things that aren’t in those other books because their authors don’t share my perspective—things that may have escaped your notice as you accumulated your experience, perhaps because the men in your life were trying to avoid being known too intimately. I’m going to fill in what the other books leave out, and I’m going to try to do it without repeating too much of what they say.

Let’s start by considering a man in the most ordinary of sexual states. It’s been a while since his last orgasm, but not so long that he’s starting to get horny again; sex isn’t on his mind. Still, it’s been long enough that he’ll respond favorably to sexual stimulation; he won’t feel bothered or pressured by it; rather he’ll enjoy it and turn on.

Surrounding the neck of his bladder and the upper portion of his urethra is the prostate gland. It’s slowly producing one of several fluids that will be mixed together and pumped out the next time he ejaculates. The prostate is spongy (though firm) and the fluid it produces remains within it until it’s expelled. Another fluid is secreted by the testicles. This fluid carries sperm cells and, unless the man has had a vasectomy, travels through two tubes (the vasa deferentia) to a pair of reservoirs called the seminal vesicles, there to await the next earthquake. The seminal vesicles are located above the prostate and behind the bladder; their outlet passes through the prostate and into the portion of the urethra that the prostate surrounds. Besides storing fluid produced in the testicles, they secrete a fluid of their own. Over time they fill, pressure within them builds, and they distend. They’re drained only by ejaculation.

If the man encounters no sexual stimulation, the production of sexual secretions continues at its usual slow pace. When enough time has gone by, and enough pressure has built up in his seminal vesicles, the man starts having sexual feelings and fantasies. He’s horny—perhaps not extremely so, but definitely horny. What seems to happen (though it’s unproved by the scientific standards of the medical world) is that pressure in the seminal vesicles is felt as a need for sexual release, as lust.

If, instead of letting this happen by itself, you sexually excite the man, the process is speeded up. When he’s aroused, more fluid is produced in a shorter time and the seminal vesicles fill faster. Prolonged stimulation also leads to a feeling of congestion throughout the reproductive system and a dull ache in the testicles. The man becomes desperately horny, often in less than an hour, and he’ll do almost anything to have his lust satisfied. If he’s like most men, he’ll let you tie him up no matter what he fears you might have planned, just so it includes emptying those reservoirs.

If you stop stimulating him, perhaps because the demands of the real world separate you, and if he has things to do that take his mind off sex, the feeling of congestion and the ache will dissipate, but his seminal vesicles will still be full and he’ll respond readily to stimuli that are even vaguely sexual. If he sees a line drawing reminiscent of a nude woman, for example, he’ll feel a twinge of arousal before the cause registers in his consciousness. He’ll easily drift into sexual fantasy, which will cause another erection, accelerate again the overfilling of his seminal vesicles and, if continued for any length of time (as is likely), bring back the feeling of congestion and the ache.

Prolonged stimulation or fantasy also leads to the production of a clear lubricating fluid by Cowper’s glands, located near the base of the penis. This fluid doesn’t accumulate, but is secreted into the urethra and, if there’s enough of it, leaks out the tip of the penis without producing any sensation along the way.

Men are highly subject to arousal by psychological stimuli, including their own fantasies and the Loop. Almost none, though, can reach orgasm through psychological stimulation alone. Furthermore, men have few erogenous zones, and stimulation of these, though arousing, won’t induce orgasm. Orgasm is reliably brought on only by a specific form of stimulation of the penis.

Still, erogenous zones are fun to play with and therefore worth looking for. The common ones are the scrotum, the perineum, the anus and the nipples. The scrotum is best stimulated by lightly running a couple of fingers along its surface, parallel to the middle of the body, in either direction or both. If the perineum is erogenous the technique is the same, likewise the anus.

The effects of nipple stimulation vary greatly. Most men exhibit a strong erotic response to having their nipples played with by hand, sucked or licked. Some don’t respond at all. A few find any stimulation painful. One of my lovers could tolerate only the lightest licking, but found that erotic. At the other extreme are men who are aroused by having their nipples pinched, bitten or even clamped. Experimentation will let you know what works best on your man, and you’ll have a lot of fun finding out; just don’t start at the rough end of the spectrum or you may undermine your partner’s trust.

Though stimulation of erogenous areas other than the penis will almost never of itself induce orgasm, it may do so when combined with a level of penile stimulation that alone would be just as insufficient. If, for example, you’re fucking your man slowly and with short strokes—which you know from experience won’t make him come unless you keep it up for a long time—sucking his nipple at the same time might put him over the edge in seconds.

The penis is designed to be effectively stimulated to orgasm by friction with the vagina, but the details of that design aren’t at all simple. The penis is a large organ, and only two small parts of the surface have sufficient sexual sensitivity so that stimulation will reliably induce orgasm. One is the frenum, where the glans (or head) meets the undersurface of the shaft and seems to be split in two by a continuation of the slit in the tip. The other is the corona—the protruding ridge at the edge of the glans where it flares out from the upper surface of the shaft, diametrically opposite the frenum. During sexual intercourse, regardless of the position used, these two areas are stimulated by the walls of the vagina, and it’s that stimulation that precipitates the man’s orgasm. If you’re on top, you can control the intensity of the stimulation by varying the length and speed of your strokes and the tightness of your vaginal muscles.

From a physiologic point of view, it doesn’t matter whether you apply the stimulation with your vagina or your hand; stimulation of the frenum and corona induces orgasm, and does so reliably.

This is a different matter from the question of how a man likes his penis handled. That varies. One likes to be gripped tightly and pumped roughly, the skin dragged along to rub against the underlying tissue; another likes only a fingertip touch along the undersurface. For every gradation in between, there are men who like it. If I’m involved with a man, I try to learn his preference, but it doesn’t really matter because most of the stimulation I apply is psychological rather than physical. When I’m ready to make him come, one of my own favorite techniques will always work.

The most effective of these—reliable even when used on a man who’s only moderately horny—is to lightly massage the undersurface of the penis with one hand, brushing the frenum with each stroke and sometimes running the fingers over the scrotum, while lightly massaging the upper surface with the other, brushing the corona with each stroke. This approximates the stimulation his penis would receive in your vagina. Your hands may be synchronized or not, or synchronized some of the time, depending on how exotic you want to get.

Another technique—a more effective variant of Rena’s—is to position the lower segment of your thumb against the upper surface of the shaft, crosswise, just below the corona; wrap your index and middle fingers loosely around the shaft; then move your hand smoothly up and down so that with each stroke the thumb slides over the corona while the pads of the lower segments of the index and middle fingers slide over the frenum. Adding to the stimulation, the web of skin between your thumb and index finger will naturally tend to brush against the protruding ridge on one side of the glans, while your fingertips will brush the protruding ridge on the other. If you’re right-handed and the man is lying on his back, this technique is most easily practiced from his right; if you’re left-handed, from his left.

With either of these techniques, the lubricating fluid that the man secretes can become a nuisance. It dries partway and gets sticky, interfering with the free motion of your hand. This isn’t a problem if there’s too little of it to notice, or so much that it can’t dry, but most men produce just enough to be troublesome. There are two ways of dealing with it. You can squeeze it out of the urethra and wipe it away before it starts to dry, or you can use a lubricant that overwhelms it, such as mineral oil. (Mineral oil packaged as baby oil has a scent, even if the label says it doesn’t, that turns some men on and others off; there are very few to whom it does neither.) If stickum becomes a problem and you don’t want to use mineral oil, you can clean it up with a damp cloth or your tongue.

(This seems like a good opportunity to explain why I have so little to say about fellatio. I regard it as useful for just a few very specific purposes, such as cleaning up half-dried male lubricant or inducing an erection. Otherwise I avoid it because it limits communication: you can’t talk; you can’t see your lover’s face nor he yours; you can’t even get a good view of his cock.)

My third technique for inducing orgasm by hand is the least reliable. It works only on a man who is very horny and lying on his back, but it has two advantages, one of which is that the stickiness of drying lubricant doesn’t get in the way. What I do is rub my palm against the frenum and nearby portions of the underside of the penis. The motion of my hand, of course, is parallel to the axis of the penis, not crosswise. What makes this technique so appealing is that since the man’s cock isn’t held in place, its responses are put on display. At moments of particular excitement, its rigidity increases and it presses against my hand, which amuses me greatly and embarrasses my partner to the same degree, especially as I tease him about it. And there again we have the Loop.

As a man approaches orgasm, the muscles of his pelvic floor contract and his cock stiffens. If stimulation is withdrawn as this starts to happen, the man will usually, but not always, slip back from the edge; the muscles will relax and his cock will lose its extreme stiffness and become only ordinarily hard. If stimulation is continued, though, orgasm begins. The fluids stored in the prostate and seminal vesicles are pressed into the upper portion of the urethra. The man feels a tingling inside and knows he’s coming; he’s going to ejaculate and there’s no longer any way to prevent it. Semen starts flowing into the lower portion of the urethra—the part that runs from the base of the penis to the tip.

At some point the muscles of the pelvic floor relax for a fraction of a second, releasing the extreme stiffness of the man’s cock. Then they contract again, giving the urethra a hard squeeze. His cock stiffens again and spurts at the same time.

The pressing of the components of the ejaculate into the urethra continues until there’s nothing left to deliver or until the ejaculatory spasms end, whichever comes first. The ejaculatory spasms continue for some minimum number of spurts if stimulation stops immediately, or until stimulation is withdrawn (which may not be until long after the supply of fluid has been used up) or, in extreme cases, until exhaustion sets in. The spasms are spaced four fifths of a second apart. After the first spurt, the muscles of the pelvic floor relax again, exactly four fifths of a second after they did the first time; then they contract again, and a third stiffening of the man’s cock coincides with a second spurt four fifths of a second after the first.

If the man has been trying not to come, but loses control and feels the upper portion of his urethra start to fill, he can delay ejaculation only so long as he can keep the muscles of his pelvic floor contracted, holding off that first momentary relaxation. It won’t be very long. Sometimes he can do it long enough so that some semen traverses the entire length of the urethra and leaks out the tip of the penis before the first spurt, though that doesn’t signify a strong effort to hold back unless you know it’s unusual for that man. Once the muscles of the pelvic floor take that first little break, the spasms follow each other uncontrollably at intervals of four fifths of a second; the man can’t delay the second spurt as he can the first.

Each of the first few spurts causes the man an intense thrill of pleasure. It doesn’t matter how desperately he may have been trying not to come or why; he’ll still experience that thrill with each spurt. And (unless he’s both uncommonly inhibited and in a position to prevent continued stimulation) once the first spurt has overcome him, he can’t help but want to pump out the rest. This, too, happens regardless of how hard he was trying not to come, or for what reason. Say he got himself in a spot like that boy in Maryland, but he has more experience. He knows what might happen, and he fixes in his mind a determination to maintain control, to preserve some measure of dignity. First he tries not to come, and of course he fails. As his cock stiffens and he feels that tingle, he resolves to put on an air of detachment and remain as still as possible even as he ejaculates. With the first spurt, though, his resolve is obliterated. He arches his back and thrusts his hips, overwhelmed by a mad desire to do what he must, no matter how embarrassing. This desire is separate from the reflex contractions of his ejaculatory muscles and separate from the pleasure of each spurt. It takes possession of him completely, a primeval force that’s been around longer than fur or feathers, but which is still him, and more genuinely so than the complex personality it displaces.

Not only does a man’s attempt to hold back his orgasm fail to diminish its intensity, it actually makes it more powerful. It’s like building a bigger dam. When it finally bursts, everything in the path of the flood is devastated. If a man has been wanting an orgasm as if to scratch an itch, it might amount to little more than a sneeze in his penis; an orgasm that he’s been trying to resist will overwhelm him. His whole body will convulse; his emotions will go bonkers; his mind will be wiped. It’s something to see!

At some point during a man’s orgasm, fluid stops being pressed into the urethra. In some men, this ends the process of ejaculation, and continued stimulation of the frenum and corona has little or no effect. In most, though, it brings only a need to end the process of ejaculation, and continued stimulation keeps the reflex spasms going, accompanied by a feeling of distress at being unable to stop them.

Few women get the opportunity to observe this phenomenon; a man whose orgasm has gone on long enough is usually in a position to end the stimulation without making his partner aware of his vulnerability. Some men, though, become so sensitive that when they fuck, they need to pull out immediately after ejaculation; the continued pressure of the vaginal walls on the frenum and corona, even in the absence of motion, is too much to bear. If you’ve had such a lover, you’ve had an unusual opportunity to observe the male need to protect the penis from prolonged stimulation, though he might never have explained what was happening. (Men, as we’ve seen, tend to be secretive about their vulnerabilities, and there’s many a man who would rather leave you feeling puzzled and rejected by his hurry to put some distance between you than let you know that his cock is too sensitive to leave in your pussy.)

Most men don’t become quite that sensitive, but continued active stimulation of the frenum and corona causes them distress. You’ll see it if you’re fucking your man from above and you hold his wrists down, tighten your vaginal muscles, and continue thrusting after he’s come; or if you tie his arms away as I did Patrick’s and continue rubbing his frenum and corona with your hands after the spurting of fluid stops.

If you want to hold your man in this state—and I recommend that you do, at least occasionally—there are four things you should know. First, it can’t do any harm. The distress of continued stimulation isn’t pain (though some men may call it that) and it doesn’t reflect tissue damage—not even temporary damage. When you stop, your partner’s distress ends immediately, and that brings us to point two: When you stop, even for a few seconds, the ejaculatory spasms also stop. If you resume stimulation, it will have little or no effect, so don’t take a break until you’re sure you’re done.

Third, the stimulation you apply must be specifically to the frenum and corona. The nerves that end there are the only ones that reliably force continuation of the ejaculatory spasms; if you milk the shaft alone, the spasms will end, comfortably, when the supply of fluid runs out. (If your man is an exception, great! But don’t expect it.)

Fourth, your man’s cock itself will give you some help. You can feel the continuing spasms and use them to time the motion of your hands, which makes for a much more effective sort of stimulation than a random beat. And for as long as you keep the spasms going, the process of detumescence is slowed, giving you a convenient degree of resistance to rub against. Usually you can even continue fucking if you don’t give your partner clearance to pull out.

For a period of time after a man has an orgasm, he’s physically incapable of responding to sexual stimulation. The length of this period varies from one man to another, and isn’t always the same even for the same man. It tends to be shorter in younger men and ranges from seconds to hours. In my experience, five to twenty minutes is typical. During this time, a man has no sexual desire and is likely to find any attempt to stimulate him irritating, both physically and emotionally.

This refractory period is followed by a time during which arousal is physically possible, but stimulation is still likely to be perceived as an annoyance. The man just doesn’t want sex. Even if he’s tied down and normally finds you irresistible, you might not be able to make him come. If he isn’t tied down and you make advances, he’s likely to develop a severe attack of performance anxiety. He gets worried that your continued acceptance of him is dependent on his meeting your sexual demands of the moment, and that not being horny, he’ll fail. That worry kills whatever capacity to respond he may have had. Perhaps he starts a petty squabble so he can reject you over some silly issue of his own choosing rather than be rejected himself as sexually inadequate.

I’ve always taken care that my lovers don’t fall into this unpleasant state. My method is simple. I don’t attempt to arouse a man who isn’t ready for it. I’ll be affectionate. I’ll cuddle. I’ll let him know that I love him and that I appreciate his love for me. But I won’t lick his nipple. I won’t take hold of his cock. I won’t put my pussy in his face, or even suggest he play with it. I won’t do anything that says, I want sex now, until I know he’s ready.

My reason goes beyond a desire to save him from performance anxiety. I want my lover always to think of sex with me as something he craves, so I keep the supply at least a little behind the demand, sometimes way behind the demand. That keeps him in the habit of wanting me, and the possibility of not wanting me doesn’t enter his mind, even though I know there are times he doesn’t.

What would happen if, for example, I were to have him eat me when he was sexually satiated? He would experience the sight, smell and taste of my pussy objectively, as sexually neutral. I don’t want that to happen. I want him always to look forward to the opportunity to see, smell and taste me, and to find me a turn-on every time. I don’t want to give him one chance to be objective about my pussy because I don’t want him to learn how.

The obvious question is, What’s the good of having a love slave if you can’t use him as you please?

A simple answer is that I can use him as I please, but the relationship will go better and last longer if I’m considerate, realistic and sensible in my demands.

A more complete answer is that sexually enslaving my partner allows me to manage the relationship, and I can manage it better than he can, precisely because I know better than to use him without regard for his feelings. One of the reasons I advocate female domination is that most women, given the opportunity, manage their relationships better than men do. We take a more balanced approach. We’re more mindful of our partners’ needs and desires even while looking after our own. My respect for my lover’s need to rest from sex is an example of this. If I subjected him to sexual demands when he needed to be left alone, he would come to resent it, just as many women come to resent the ill-timed sexual demands of their men. A relationship controlled by a woman who fails to consider her man’s needs will deteriorate just as rapidly, into just as deep a state of misery, as a relationship controlled by a man who does the same. With power comes responsibility. Inevitably.

Sexual Power For Women – Chapter 2

Georgeann Cross finished writing Sexual Power for Women in 1997. No one would publish it. The reasons are left to the reader’s speculation. A few copies on loose-leaf paper have been in circulation ever since, passing from woman to woman. Now, the Scandalous Reader presents this ground breaking work on the art of sensual female domination in weekly chapters.

There was a time when acetylsalicylic acid and penicillin were called drugs and a woman who exercised, ate a moderate and balanced diet, and avoided alcohol and tobacco was said to be looking after her health. At that time, if one had been permitted to talk about such things at all, I might have been called a dominatrix.

The old words have since been taken over by the hard stuff, so that only the likes of heroin and cocaine are called drugs, while people take care of their health with such medications as acetylsalicylic acid and penicillin if they haven’t followed a wellness program or it has somehow failed them.

A dominatrix wears a costume of black leather with metal studs. It includes an uplift bra and spike heels. She has a severe hair style and carries a whip that she uses with terrifying frequency, apparently because she’s always angry. She ties her victims into the most uncomfortable of postures and subjects them to hideous tortures. To top it off, she gets paid for all this. By the people she mistreats! It’s beyond strange.

That’s not me. I don’t look like that, I’m seldom angry, and I don’t beat or torture people, though I do use the word—sometimes as a playful exaggeration and sometimes as a convenience. I don’t own an unusual amount of leather, little of my clothing is black, and I favor neither black nor leather when I anticipate making love. I rarely wear a bra and almost never high heels. I don’t have a whip. I’m in my forties, slim, of moderate height. My breasts are small; my hair hangs a bit below my shoulders; I keep my nails short; my ears have never been pierced. I usually wear jeans and sneakers with a T-shirt in summer or a sweatshirt in winter.

I’m gentle by nature, friendly, easy to talk to. I don’t like to hurt people. I’ve never even spanked any of my lovers. I drive courteously and with regard for the rights and safety of pedestrians, even when visiting the Great Northeastern Megalopolis.

And I’m an amateur. I’ve never been paid for sex, nor has anyone ever offered to pay me. If someone did make such an offer, I wouldn’t respond favorably. That sort of transaction shocks my conscience, though I don’t presume to judge the people who do things that way.

Am I, then, really a dominatrix? The word is convenient, so I’ll continue using it whether I’m entitled or not. Genuine dominatrix or mere pretender, I’m a woman who enjoys sexual power, and this book is offered so that you, and other women like you, may be empowered in the same way if you so choose. I’m including this account of myself so you’ll be able to judge whether my advice is worth considering.

I was born, raised, and educated in California. I’ve worked my entire adult life in the computer industry of Silicon Valley, writing technical manuals. I’ve never married, partly out of a determination to remain childless and partly because I rebel against allowing the state to license my living arrangements and love life. I’ve had a number of relationships with men, one at a time, and some of those relationships were very much like marriages in closeness, intensity and duration. They ended because of my fear of parenthood or because of my partner’s need to move to another part of the world or for other ordinary reasons.

The only real difference between my relationships and those of so many other women is that I openly took control of the sexual aspect of each one and, just as openly, used the leverage that that gave me to direct the relationship as a whole. As more women read this book and discuss it, the pattern will become common. When I took control of my first relationship, though, there was no book to guide me. I got started differently.

It’s commonly recognized that our sexual appetites are shaped by our earliest adventures, and it was a chance occurrence at the age of fourteen, before I had any real sexual experience, that sparked my interest in female domination.

I was spending a few summer weeks visiting a friend who had moved to Maryland the year before. One afternoon we were at the home of her neighbor, Beth, along with a few of Beth’s other friends. There were six of us in all, fourteen to sixteen years old, and we were skinny-dipping in the enclosed backyard pool as we’d done a couple of times previously. At some point my friend approached me in the water and quietly told me that our hostess had noticed a boy hiding in the bushes near the garden hose, spying on us. Beth wanted us to close in on him slowly, pretending not to have observed his presence, then grab him.

I don’t know how well we pretended not to notice him, but we did manage to get hold of him and pin him to the ground. He was about my age.

Beth asked him why he was hiding in the bushes and he said he didn’t know.

“Yes you do. If you didn’t know why you were doing it, you wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble of getting in here and hiding. You wanted a chance to see us without our clothes on, didn’t you?”

He admitted that he did.

“I’ll bet you were going to brag to your friends about it afterward, and then they’d all be teasing me for the rest of the summer.” She thought a moment. “We’re going to show you how it feels to have someone staring at you when you’re naked.”

She bent down and removed his shoes and socks, then told Rena, who was sitting on his chest, “Let’s get that shirt off.”

The two of them unbuttoned it and I made sure that his right hand, which I’d been holding against the ground, didn’t get loose when we bent his arm and slid the sleeve down.

When the shirt was off, Beth grinned at him and said, “Soon you’ll be as naked as we are.”

Then, to Rena, “Help me get his pants off.”

They pulled the pants down slowly. He was wearing undershorts and they were pushed up in front like a tent by his stiff cock. I couldn’t wait to see it uncovered. My pussy was congested and I could feel the pulse beating in it.

Beth and Rena got his pants clear of his feet, Beth supervising to make sure neither of his legs got loose of the girls holding them.

Beth looked at the tent in the undershorts, then up at the boy’s face. “You have a hard-on. You’re really going to be embarrassed when those shorts come off and we all get to see it.”

The two of them took hold of the elastic waistband of the shorts and slowly pulled them down.

I still remember every detail of how his cock came into view—the glimpse I got by peering between the waistband and his body as they lifted the elastic clear; the frantic effort he made to free his wrist from my grip as he realized that if he couldn’t stop us, six girls would see, the way it stood so stiff, as I now know only a young boy’s does, when the shorts were down below his bottom. I remember everything about it—its color, its texture, the way the few strands of hair sparkled in the sun. It was the first erect penis I’d ever seen and I was utterly transfixed.

Soon the shorts were pulled over his ankles and every inch of the boy’s body was bare.

“See how embarrassing it is?” Beth teased. “You shouldn’t have spied on us.”

Rena giggled and gestured toward the boy’s cock. “Let’s play with it till he can’t stand it.”

Beth licked her lips. “Go ahead!”

Rena took it between her thumb and forefinger and began stroking it with a milking motion. The boy struggled a bit, then gave up. His breathing turned into a heavy panting, and then, all at once, about twenty seconds after Rena had started, his whole body seemed to convulse and his cock spurted.

“It’s broken! I’m dying!”

He struggled again to free his arms even as he bucked his hips and continued to ejaculate.

I watched, fascinated. I had read descriptions of the male orgasm, but I’d never seen it happen. I hadn’t expected that the amount of fluid was so great, or that it was expelled with such force.

When the fireworks were over and Rena withdrew her hand, the boy was half crying, a bewildered expression on his face.

“Let me go! It’s broken!”

Beth answered him. “No it isn’t. Didn’t that ever happen to you before?”

He shook his head and said no.

“Well, that’s what happens when a girl plays with your thing.” She pointed at the white liquid on his chest. “You wet all over yourself.”

He looked where she was pointing and blushed.

“I guess we might as well let you go now. Don’t tell anyone you were even here, or we’ll say you took your own pants down and played with yourself in front of us. Then they’ll think you’re a real sickie and put you in an institution.”

We let him up, we all got dressed, and we escorted him out.

Sex, for me, became that scenario. When I was horny, what I fantasized wasn’t conventional courtship and the sort of passive lovemaking that was expected of girls in those days, but my rendering some boy helpless and teasing him sexually. (In fact I still enjoy replaying my recollection of that day in Maryland and, understanding now that our sexual tastes really are shaped by our early experiences, I get a particular kick out of thinking that somewhere in this world there’s a man my age whose favorite sexual fantasy is his recollection of how he was held down and made to have his first orgasm by six curious teenage girls, one of them me.)

As I grew up through my high school and college years, I became involved in a series of relationships with young men, as any young woman does, and in a few purely sexual adventures besides. I met my partners in the usual ways—by being in the same classes, through shared interests, or accidentally—and until I was twenty my relationships were almost completely ordinary. They differed from those of other lusty young women only in that I contrived to tie up each of my partners at least once and sexually toy with him. After all, it was my favorite fantasy. I got my partners to go along by whatever means necessary, though only a couple seemed sufficiently enthusiastic to do it repeatedly. I didn’t try to sexually enslave these young men, and for a very simple reason: I hadn’t yet any idea that such a thing was possible.

Then, during my junior year of college, I met the man who was to become my first love slave, and my preferences set the tone of all our lovemaking. That relationship showed me what was possible, and since then I’ve sought to sexually enslave every one of my lovers. I’ve almost always succeeded too, and I’ve become so sure of my power that I simply won’t continue seeing the occasional man who refuses to do things my way. I know what I need and I know I can get it.

Over the years I’ve learned a great deal. I’ve learned the anatomy and physiology of male sexual response, and its psychology as well—especially what happens inside a man’s head when a woman takes control and toys with his sexuality. I’ve learned technique and developed it into an art form.

What does all this mean? What does my history tell you? What use can you make of the knowledge I’ve gathered?

At one extreme, you know that female domination isn’t for you. It involves taking on a role that’s somehow contrary to your core personality. I can’t dispute that—you know your own nature—but I invite you to continue reading anyway. You’ll find out how it is for me and for other women like me, gain some insight into men, perhaps even pick up one or two techniques that turn out not to make you uncomfortable.

At the other extreme, this book is just what you’ve always been looking for. You’re as enthusiastic about female domination as I am, and you’re going to use the techniques I recommend, along with any others you hear about or think up, to take control of any relationship you get into. You’re reading this as a technical manual and it won’t disappoint you, even if it doesn’t tell you how to be the dominatrix in the fetish magazines.

Most likely you’re at neither extreme. You’re committed to a relationship, perhaps a marriage, and its sexual aspect is nothing at all like the sexual aspect of my relationships. You’re interested in the potential value of my advice but you’re skeptical, and well you should be.

To start with, I seem to have gone to school in a different world. I told you I arranged to sexually toy with every one of my high school and college lovers, and that seems unlikely. When you were that age you knew any number of young men with whom such behavior would have been unthinkable. I knew them too. There were only a few of them. They avoided me or I, them. I have a confident manner and a natural talent for teasing. That attracts men who are psychologically well suited to my agenda and repels most of those who aren’t, though unfortunately it also attracts the sort of man who has a need to become involved with a woman he regards as a bitch and beat her into submission. I have an instinctive dislike for thugs and an intuitive ability to recognize them, so I’ve always managed to avoid men who might react to me with violence.

If you’re sure none of your male schoolmates could have been maneuvered into that kind of scene, it’s probably because you’re unaccustomed to considering the possibility, or because you were taken in by their macho posturing and bluff. Most of them could have been, and most grown men can too.

Even if you grant that, you still have good reason to be skeptical. I’ve told you my rule is that my relationships go my way or they don’t go; I’m willing to take the risk that a new lover will reject me as too kinky. Your priorities are different. Your existing relationship is important to you and you suspect that if you tried doing the things I’ve done, the consequences would be disastrous. It’s certainly something to consider. There are indeed relationships that would be irreparably damaged by an attempt to apply my techniques, and men who would react with the ferocity of a cornered animal. Contraindications are almost always obvious though, and if you heed them, you can pretty well avoid serious risk.

Besides telling you how—and why—to take control of your partner and make a devoted love slave of him, I’ll be telling you how to recognize situations in which it’s better not to make the attempt, and I’ll even show you how it’s possible to use my techniques to improve a relationship without going as far as I do.

Though it might seem that my gung-ho attitude and limited stylistic repertoire should have given me little opportunity to learn such subtleties, that’s not at all the case. Over the years I’ve made a great many friends. Some have been men, two have been celibate (one finds everything in California) and a few have been consistently happy with their partners. Most, though, have been involved in at least one difficult relationship with a man at some time during our friendship.

Whenever one of my friends told me of a problem she was having with a husband or lover, and the problem seemed to be one she could solve by using the power of her femininity, I’d describe my qualifications (if she didn’t already know them) and offer advice. If she was interested, I’d give her all the gritty details she needed to bring her man under control.

Some friends took my advice and some didn’t. Those who did usually told me how it went. Some thought up techniques of their own, experimented, and shared the results with me. Through years of this sort of vicarious experience, I’ve learned quite a bit about what can happen when a woman attempts to take control of an established relationship. I’ve learned to predict the success or failure of the attempt with reasonable accuracy, I’ve learned what kinds of problems can be alleviated by female domination, and I’ve learned what kinds of problems can be caused or aggravated by it.

In recent years, several of my friends have made repeated attempts to persuade me to commit my knowledge to written form so that it might be available to any woman who wants it. As you see, they succeeded. The result is the book you now hold in your hands.

One thing I beg. Before you attempt to use any of the advice I offer, please read it all, cover to cover. Many important points are presented only once to avoid boring you with repetition. Backward references are frequent while forward references are almost nonexistent, so reading from the beginning is easier than skipping around—the first time, anyway. Reading to the end will save you from acting on incomplete information; topics that seem to have been covered completely are sometimes further elaborated after the introduction of new but related material. More important still, nearly every strategy and technique I recommend is unsuited to certain situations or types of men, and most of the warnings you need are clustered in the later chapters. If you read everything before acting, you’re less likely to find yourself confronted with unexpected difficulty.

My fondest wish is that this work will affect people only to the good—that relationships between women and men will be improved, that individual women and individual men will be happier, and that no harm will come to any person or any relationship.

Gung ho!

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